The Rhapsody of the Seas.

That’s what the ship I’m on is called.

Here’s a picture of the ship I took from afar while the ship was anchored of Phuket.

The truth is, the ship looks a LOT bigger close up, hugeee and this picture doesn’t do justice but I never really got a chance to take a picture of the ship close up.Later this afternoon however I’ll see if I’m fit enough to jump off the ship and swim further away a little so I can take a good picture of it okay.

Don’t worry I won’t drown. Fat floats.

Now there’s quite a bit to write about on this Cruise but for this entry, let me just start first with the rooms that we get to stay in while aboard the ship.

All of us on the 80,000 tonne ship get to stay in rooms along this corridor.The ship has 10 floors, all accessible to passengers like us, of which 4 of the floors are dedicated to cabin rooms.

Here’s how my room looks like.

When you walk in there is a small mini-bar on the side
To the right is the bathroom which is really pretty nice.

Almost like a hotel bathroom.

It even comes with a bidet.You know one of those things to spray the crap off your butt so you don’t have to dirty your hands with toilet paper.

Straight ahead from the entrance and actually the first thing you’ll notice when you walk into the room is my very own private balcony where we’ll see nothing but endless sea when we’re sailing away.To the left of the balcony doors is actually a small seating area with a TV and opposite that is the most important part of the room.

THE BED!!!

Yes.. the bed IS as comfy as it looks.

Really really nice… and the best part of it are the mirrors all around it.

I don’t know about everyone else but I LOVE MIRRORS AROUND THE BED (for some… reasons).

The room just like the cruise is really comfy and if anything romantic, almost as if it’s made just for couples.

Made me feel a little worse for being single.

Anyway I’ll blog more about the rest of the ship soon.

I’m going shopping now.

There’s actually a sale on board the ship now.

Ah sorry people.

I tried to update my blog today but the internet on the cruise is too damn slow I couldn’t get the pictures up.

Shall update tomorrow when I reach Singapore.

Until then see yall

S.O.S.!

I need HELP!!!

SOMEBODY OUT THERE!!!

IS THERE ANYBODY ALIVE OUT THERE?!?!?

IF YOU CAN HEAR ME…My name is Timothy Tiah and I’m stuck on board a boat with….

NO MOBILE PHONE RECEPTION
NO SATELITTE TV
NO INTERNET CONNECTION
NO HOT CHICKS

AND A WHOLE LOT OF FAT DUDES IN SWIMMING TRUNKS!!!

Now you’re probably wondering how the hell I managed to update this blog when I have “NO INTERNET CONNECTION” on board.

Well fine the truth is.. there is.

BUT IT COSTS USD 0.50 PER MINUTE FOR EVERY MINUTE I USE THE INTERNET HERE!!!

SO MUCH THAT I DON’T HAVE ANY MONEY LEFT TO GAMBLE IN THE CASINO ANYMORE!!!
Now that’s as good as NO INTERNET FOR ME!!!

ANYBODY OUT THERE?!?!?

SOMEBODY!!!!

ARGGHHHH!!

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!?!?!

HOW CAN THEY THROW ME ON A BOAT WITH NO MOBILE PHONE RECEPTION AND NO INTERNET CONNECTION!!!

What the hell is this?!?!? REHABILITATION CAMP FOR INTERNET ADDICTS?!?!?

I’m a Dotcom Entrepreneur, I NEED my internet!!!! Don’t force me to RATION my usage by making it so expensive to use it every minute!

FORCING ME to ration my internet usage in terms of minutes each day is like taking away carrots from Bugs Bunny. YOU DON’T TAKE AWAY CARROTS FROM BUGS BUNNY!!!

IS ANYONE OUT THERE?!??!

PLEASE COME SAVE ME!!!

I HAVE MY OWN LIFE JACKET!!!
PLEASE HELP ME!!!

The people on this boat… are weird!!! NO internet… NO mobile phone reception and they’re all acting jolly and happy sun bathing, going for their stupid Spa’s, playing Bingo…. SOMEBODY GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!

Oh wait…

I see a Cargo Ship in the distance.OH YES!!! OH YES!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

BRB… I NEED TO GO WAVE FOR HELP NOW!!!

BYE!

Tomorrow, I’m going away for 5 days for a Christmas vacation.

After all the stress and hard work I’ve been through this week, I think it’s nice to finally be able to relax.

I was going to give my readers a surprise about where I was going but I guess the cat’s out of the bag ever since KLue magazine came out with a little column about what a few “Personalities” were doing for Christmas.
When they asked me what I was doing for Christmas, I told them that I was going for a cruise, thinking that they were just doing a general survey and never really thought they would actually quote me.

Heck I never even realized that I was considered a “personality“, that’s what you call celebrities like JJ & Rudy, Carmen Soo or Kenny Sia.

Not small time bloggers like myself but thanks very much to the guys at KLue for the mention.

Anyway so here goes.

Tomorrow I’ll be catching a flight to Singapore and hopping on to a ship when I’m there.

Not just any ship, quite a big ship with lots of people.

I think it’s called the Royal Caribbean Cruise line.
The cruise is going to take me all the way from Singapore up to Langkawi and Phuket.

Funny thing is, for these 5 days, I’m pretty sure I’m not going to have any mobile phone reception.

I never lasted 5 days in my life without a mobile phone… but I guess I’m going to have to get used to it.

At least they still have internet on board so I can still blog onboard the cruise.

So my bag is packed.

My vacation reading picked up.

My passport in my pocket.

My walking shoes all ready.

And my iPod fully charged up.

Because I’m going for my cruise now.

To all my dear clients especially Mehlin, all my mobile phone calls will be diverted to Nicholas to handle but I’ll still be checking my e-mails there every day and I’m expecting to work a couple of hours each day so don’t hesitate to drop me an e-mail okay?

Buh-bye everyone!

Will blog more about the cruise when I’ve left shore.

Thursday night, I met up with some friends at 1-Utama to watch I Am Legend.

Now I’m not going to spoil the movie for so many of you guys who haven’t yet watched it. Part of the fun in this movie is the surprise but lets just say I enjoyed it… and I would actually watch it again even though I thought the ending was a little potong stim.

Now two things that made me wanna watch I Am Legend the day it came out in the cinema.

First is of course… Will Smith… every movie the guy has touched in the past years have all been ultimate hits and a great watch!

Heck even a movie with as boring and typical a storyline like iRobot turned out to be great just because of him.

Now the second thing of course, has got to be the trailer.

In my opinion, I Am Legend has one of the best movie trailers I have ever seen.

Check it out here.

It’s awesome!

Now of course, some people say that you never know good food till you’ve had bad food.

So it’s the same for movie trailers.

You’ll never know good movie trailers till you’ve seen bad movie trailers.

So after watching the “I Am Legend” movie trailer, watch this.

This is the movie trailer for a movie with the same plot released this year as well called “I Am Omega”.

Check it out man.

This trailer will rock your world!

Christmas has been really exciting for all of us at Nuffnang.

Let me just tell you about what fun we’ve been having.

Yesterday morning, I received a Christmas card sent by mail from an anonymous person.

Even on the back of the envelope, it showed no signs of who the sender was.

The only thing there was a taped up envelope with the words written
“No Money Buy Glue”
To explain why it was taped up instead of glued together.

I opened up the card to see the sender’s beautiful hand-writing that said
“To Boss Stewie & Gang, Season’s Greetings and best wishes for a Happy New Year”.

And then written additionally on the card was
“This is by no means BRIBING (reverse psychology).
LOL….

The card was signed off as
“From: Ex-unemployed & Office Dota Player”

Which reminded me of a blogger I know who used to go to work and do nothing but play Dota, my dear friend Kai Yan.

Thanks for the card Kai Yan.

Ok moving on, I left for a lunch meeting later on and came back much later in the afternoon only to see a huge Christmas Present waiting for me in the office when I came back.
Everyone in the office was waiting for me to come back before they ripped it open to see what it was so the minute I got back they were all jumping around like little children saying
“BOSS!!!! OPEN OPEN OPEN!!!”

I bent closer to the box and looked at the writings on it.

It said
“For Nuffnang Children Only” “Contents: Happy Boosters”

And a warning at the bottom left which said
“WARNING: VERY HIGH SUGAR CONTENT”

The sender signed off as
“FROM: HAPPY MAH!!!”

We decided that we had enough of exploring the box on the outside so it’s time to find out what was on the inside.

Esther ripped open the box only to find …. a BOX FULL OF JUNK FOOD… ME LIKEY!!!There was everything from Super Ring to Sweets, Candy sticks… ALL INSIDE.

To the person or people who sent this, thank you so so much for feeding us at Nuffnang!

It certainly made us all happy.

Allow me to illustrate.

BEFORE THE PACKAGE CAME, Yat looked like this

AFTER THE PACKAGE CAME, Yat looked like this
BEFORE THE PACKAGE CAME, Esther looked like this.

AFTER THE PACKAGE CAME, Esther looked like this.

Finally, BEFORE THE PACKAGE came, Firdauz looked like this

AFTER IT CAME, he looked like this.

Once again, thank you so much for the present.

The 10 of us in the Nuffnang KL office here needed it soooo badly!I took a video of the time we opened the present and found out what it was.

Check it out okay.

Really worth watching… especially for the beginning part when Firdauz was teasing Esther.

LOL.

Once you watch it, please tell me how the hell Firdauz managed to steal a candy stick from the box without us noticing.

I’ve been addicted to one of Kanye’s West newest songs lately, side effects from spending too much time at Poppy every Saturday.

So while spending too much time listening to it in the car lately I decided to listen to it a little closer to hear the lyrics and I got a little surprised.

Now for those of you who have not listened to the really great song before, watch the video here before you go on with this entry.

Okay, now that you have listened to it, what do you think the song is about?

Let me tell you what it’s about.

Here’s the lyrics for Kanye West’s Stronger.

(Work it, make it, do it,
Makes us harder, better, faster, STRONGER!) [played throughout]

(Work it harder make it better,
do it faster makes us stronger,
more than ever, hour after
hour work is never over ) [played throughout]

Th-th-that that don’t kill me
Can only make me stronger
I need you to hurry up now
Cause I can’t wait much longer
I know I got to be right now
Cause I can’t get much wronger
Man I been waitin’ all night now
That’s how long I’ve been on ya

I need ya right now
I need ya right now

Let’s get lost tonight
You could be my black Kate Moss tonight
Play secretary, I’m the boss tonight.
And you don’t give a f**k what they all say, right?
Awesome, the Christian in Christian Dior
Damn they don’t make ’em like this anymore
I ask, cause I’m not sure
Do anybody make real shit anymore?
Bow in the presence of greatness
Cause right now thou has forsaken us
You should be honored by my lateness
That I would even show up to this fake shit
So go ahead go nuts, go ape shit
Especially in my pastelle, all my bape shit
Act like you can’t tell who made this
New gospel homey take six, and take this, haters

N-n-now th-that that don’t kill me
Can only make me stronger
I need you to hurry up now
Cause I can’t wait much longer
I know I got to be right now
Cause I can’t get much wronger
Man I been waitin’ all night now
That’s how long I’ve been on ya

I need ya right now
I need (Me likey) ya right now

I don’t know if you got a man or not
If you made plans or not

If God put me in your plans or not
I’m trippin’, this drink got me sayin’ alot
But I know that God put you in front of me
So how the hell could you front on me
There’s a thousand yous
And only one of me
I’m trippin’, I’m caught up in the moment right?
‘Cause it’s Louis Vuitton Don night
So we goin’ do everything that Kan like
Heard they’d do anything for a Klondike
Well I’d do anything for a blonde dyke
And she’ll do anything for the limelight

And we’ll do anything when the time’s right
Uh, baby you’re makin’ it
(Harder, better, faster, stronger)oh

Th-that that don’t kill me(oh)
Can only make me stronger(oh)
I need you to hurry up now(oh)
Cause I can’t wait much longer(oh)
I know I got to be right now(oh)
Cause I can’t get much wronger(oh)
Man I been waitin’ all night now
That’s how long I’ve been on ya

I need ya right now
I need ya right now

You know how long I’ve been on ya?
Since prince was on Apollonia
Since OJ had Isotoners

Don’t act like I never told ya
Don’t act like I never told ya
Don’t act like I never told ya
Don’t act like I never told ya
Don’t act like I never told ya

Uh, baby you’re makin’ it

(Harder, better, faster, stronger)

N-n-now th-that that don’t kill me
Can only make me stronger
I need you to hurry up now
Cause I can’t wait much longer
I know I got to be right now
Cause I can’t get much wronger
Man I been waitin’ all night now
That’s how long I’ve been on ya

I need ya right now
I need ya right now

You know how long I’ve been on ya?
Since prince was on Apollonia
Since OJ had Isotoners
Don’t act like I never told ya
You know how long I’ve been on ya?
Since prince was on Apollonia
Since OJ had Isotoners
Don’t act like I never told ya

told ya,told ya never told ya
told ya,told ya never told ya
told ya,told ya never told ya
told ya,told ya never told ya
told ya,told ya never told ya

Never over
Never over
Never over
Never over
Never over
Never over
Never over

Now please correct me if I’m wrong.. but isn’t Kanye singing about his erection?

A few days ago, Joel and I met up with a friend who works at an international lingerie brand whom I shall refer to here as Sarah.

Sarah was telling us all about lingerie, everything from the different kinds of product lines they have to the types of bras ladies wear in different parts of the Asian region.

Take for example, women in Hong Kong buy (and wear) different type of bras that women in Taiwan and women in Malaysia and Singapore. Women in Taiwan apparently like to wear flowery or over the top kind of designs like this.

Whereas women in Malaysia for example stick to the conservative skin colour or black bras.

Anyway halfway through our lesson on lingerie, she went on to say
“Hey do you know that all my models who model for our products are very slim and yet have very big boobs”.

Naturally, Joel and my reaction was
“YAU MOU?!?!?!”

And she assured us that it was true.

We asked
“Eh maybe you could introduce us to some of those models so we can verify”

But she said
“Nice try guys”.

Anyway she went on to say that it really isn’t very hard for a girl to have big boobs and she gave us 3 theories in which a girl can go about to grow her own boobs.

Of course, I just had to verify each of those methods so I consulted one of my blog readers that I recently happened to meet lately.

Meet Dr. Mike Lai who graduated with a medical degree from the UK.So I’m going to present the 3 methods and whether they have any scientific proof behind it at all from Dr Mike.

Theory Number 1: Eat plenty of fishSarah says “If you want to grow big boobs, you have to eat plenty of fish. Look at the average Japanese girls, why are they so well endowed, because they eat a lot of seafood”.

Dr Mike says “There isn’t any scientific proof to back that claim up.”

Theory Number 2: Drink plenty of milk

Sarah says “You should always drink a lot of milk during your menstrual time”.

Dr Mike says “Again there is no scientific proof to back this up but this doesn’t necessarily mean it’s not true. It could just be from a lack of research because there isn’t so much of a financial gain that anyone can get from doing a research on this”.

Theory Number 3: Have your bf fondle your boobs.

Sarah says “Shag more often and have your bf fondle your boobs as much as you can.”.

HAHAHAHA Can you imagine that?!?! I promise you all that she really really said that!

I bet many of you guys now are praying that this theory will turn out to be true and here’s what the Doctor explains.

Dr Mike says “Yes in theory this could work because the more you fondle a boob the more you stretch the ligaments which hold it into place which then in the long run makes your boobs grow bigger. However, if you really want to grow your boobs this way you’re going to need to do a LOT of fondling. Like 3-4 hours a day!”

At this point of reading my blog entry, I’m sure many of the guys who read this will be thinking
“YES!!!! YESSSS!!!! YESSS!!!!!! WHAT DID I DO IN MY PAST LIFE TO DESERVE THIS!!?!?!? HAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHHA!!!!!”

And many of the girls will be thinking
“Shit.. I better make sure my bf doesn’t see this entry”.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH!!!!

A few days ago, Joel and I met up with a friend who works at an international lingerie brand whom I shall refer to here as Sarah.

Sarah was telling us all about lingerie, everything from the different kinds of product lines they have to the types of bras ladies wear in different parts of the Asian region.

Take for example, women in Hong Kong buy (and wear) different type of bras that women in Taiwan and women in Malaysia and Singapore. Women in Taiwan apparently like to wear flowery or over the top kind of designs like this.

Whereas women in Malaysia for example stick to the conservative skin colour or black bras.

Anyway halfway through our lesson on lingerie, she went on to say
“Hey do you know that all my models who model for our products are very slim and yet have very big boobs”.

Naturally, Joel and my reaction was
“YAU MOU?!?!?!”

And she assured us that it was true.

We asked
“Eh maybe you could introduce us to some of those models so we can verify”

But she said
“Nice try guys”.

Anyway she went on to say that it really isn’t very hard for a girl to have big boobs and she gave us 3 theories in which a girl can go about to grow her own boobs.

Of course, I just had to verify each of those methods so I consulted one of my blog readers that I recently happened to meet lately.

Meet Dr. Mike Lai who graduated with a medical degree from the UK.So I’m going to present the 3 methods and whether they have any scientific proof behind it at all from Dr Mike.

Theory Number 1: Eat plenty of fishSarah says “If you want to grow big boobs, you have to eat plenty of fish. Look at the average Japanese girls, why are they so well endowed, because they eat a lot of seafood”.

Dr Mike says “There isn’t any scientific proof to back that claim up.”

Theory Number 2: Drink plenty of milk

Sarah says “You should always drink a lot of milk during your menstrual time”.

Dr Mike says “Again there is no scientific proof to back this up but this doesn’t necessarily mean it’s not true. It could just be from a lack of research because there isn’t so much of a financial gain that anyone can get from doing a research on this”.

Theory Number 3: Have your bf fondle your boobs.

Sarah says “Shag more often and have your bf fondle your boobs as much as you can.”.

HAHAHAHA Can you imagine that?!?! I promise you all that she really really said that!

I bet many of you guys now are praying that this theory will turn out to be true and here’s what the Doctor explains.

Dr Mike says “Yes in theory this could work because the more you fondle a boob the more you stretch the ligaments which hold it into place which then in the long run makes your boobs grow bigger. However, if you really want to grow your boobs this way you’re going to need to do a LOT of fondling. Like 3-4 hours a day!”

At this point of reading my blog entry, I’m sure many of the guys who read this will be thinking
“YES!!!! YESSSS!!!! YESSS!!!!!! WHAT DID I DO IN MY PAST LIFE TO DESERVE THIS!!?!?!? HAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHHA!!!!!”

And many of the girls will be thinking
“Shit.. I better make sure my bf doesn’t see this entry”.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH!!!!

One of my Ex’s is getting married.

That’s right.

You heard that right.

How weird is that… a girl that you’ve been with for over 2 years in the past and whom you once loved and was heartbroken over is getting married.

She didn’t want to tell me though, eventhough we talked a lot online lately.
Instead, she told one of my friends knowing that that friend would definitely come and tell me about it.

I can’t blame her though and I hope she never tells me.

I mean how odd is that. It’s odd inviting your ex to your wedding and even odder if you’re going for your ex’s wedding.

Ex-girlfriend: Tim I’m getting married.

Tim: Oh when…..??

Ex-girlfriend: This January.

Tim: Oh Where?

Ex-girlfriend: Oh in this really nice church in Penang but our wedding dinner is going to be at Eastern & Oriental Hotel and all my friends are coming.Tim: Oh.. right…. good for you…

Ex-girlfriend: Uhmm yeah…

Tim: So… uhmm… good stuff.

Ex-girlfriend: Yeah.. uhmm.. hey I would invite you but I know you’re really busy.

Tim: No no no it’s okay.. it’s okay… you don’t have to.. I uhmm.. have to take my dog to the vet on that day too.

Ex-girlfriend: Oh I didn’t know you have a dog?

Tim: Yeah.. I just got one lately.

Ex-girlfriend: Oh?? What’s his name?

Tim: His name? Uhhh.. uhhmmm.. his name is… Puff

Ex-girlfriend: Ohhh cool.. what kind of dog is he?

Tim: Uhmm.. he’s a…. dragon dog.
Ex-grlfriend: I never knew there was such a breed.

Tim: Yeah.. uhmm.. me neither.

The awkwardness of not inviting and not wanting to be invited to a wedding of your ex.

Well you gotta give my ex some credit though.

I mean you know how when you go through a painful break-up, it’s almost like the beginning of a life-long contest to show each other how much better off you are without the other.

Well she’s beaten me silly in this one.

She’s getting married! And I’m without a girlfriend in sight and almost certainly going to lose that year-end bet I had with my friends to have a girlfriend by New Year’s.

But you know what the funny thing is. The funny thing is how people are so pessimistic about girls getting married relatively early.

I told one of my friends.

Tim: Eh.. you know **** is getting married?

Friend: UH OH!!! Got “Bun in the Oven” hor!!!

Tim: “Bun in the Oven”?

Friend: PREGNANT LAR!!!

Tim: No lar! Cannot be lar… she’s on the pill.

Friend: HOW YOU KNOW?!

Tim: I was her ex lar

Friend: Well maybe she forgot to eat leh?

Tim: You can’t NOT forget to eat your pill. It’s like a habit.

Friend: Well maybe her boyfriend swapped her pills with Sugus without her even knowing.

Tim: …

See how pessimistic people are these days?

If a couple gets married when they’re young… why can’t it be because they’re IN LOVE…… not because one of them has a bun in the oven HUH?!

Ishh… what has the world come to..

I bet in the Red Indian days when Young Dagger goes to the Chief and says
“CHIEF!!! I AM GOING TO MARRY BLUE SWAN!”
The Chief will say
“GOOD FOR YOU YOUNG DAGGER. GOOD THAT YOU HAVE FOUND THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE! I SHALL THANK THE EARTH”.

The Chief does not say
“WHAT!?!?! WHY SO CARELESS WAN YOU!??! SHAME SHAME ONLY”