Last week while I was in Sydney, I learned that Sin Chew, the largest chinese newspaper in Malaysia came up with an article which mentioned Nuffnang.

Then just yesterday morning, I received a flood of SMSs from my friends and associates talking about the latest article about Nuffnang that came out in The Starbiz.

My mum was one of the first to pick up the paper too.

Afraid my head will grow to the size of a durian she reminded me,
“Son… remember one thing.. you haven’t quite made it yet… you have a long way more to go”.

I nodded immediately and said
“Yes mum.. I know…”.

My parents had always taught every one of us in the family the art of humility.

To my mother, a successful but humble person puts him/her a class above everyone else.

And if humility is the root of success… arrogance is the root to failure.
Oh I also got some messages from some ex-girlfriends of mine that I haven’t heard from in a long long time (and are as usual happier without me).

That was fun.

Thanks so much to Hung Yee of The Star who wrote the article.

I still remember her telling me that I was the youngest person ever to be interviewed for that column.

Hung Yee, thanks for believing that age is no barrier 😛

Credit also to Kim who handles our PR and for whom without, much of our media coverage would not have materialized.

If you guys want to read the online version of the paper, click here.

To all of you who left me the nice messages on my blog or by e-mail, thank you so much!!!

But as my mother would tell you if you ask her, DON’T get carried away… we have a lot more to do and a lot of expectations to fulfill.

I just happened to read an article in the BBC News lately, talking about how China is coming up with new laws to tackle the growing gender imbalance in their country.

We all know the source of these imbalances right?

One child policy… Chinese favour sons, so they go for abortions as soon as they find out that the baby is a girl.

Well apparently now the gender imbalance has gone so bad that in some cities there are 8 men to every 5 women.
A quote from the article

“Experts fear the phenomenon could have unpredictable social consequences.

Some believe that with millions of men unable to find a wife, there could be risks of increasing anti-social and violent behaviour.”

What do you guys think about that?

Do you guys think the Chinese government is being overly paranoid?

OF COURSE NOT!!!
THIS IS A GRAVE PROBLEM!!!

Even in KL where it is supposedly rumoured to have 3 girls for every 1 guy, young men like ME… are unable to find girlfriends….

I can only imagine what would happen if it was 8 guys to every 5 girls. In an Economics point of view, here’s what’s going to happen if we have a whole lot more guys than girls in any country.

CONSEQUENCES

1) Men are going to be fighting with one another for a woman.

THERE ARE GONNA BE BLOODY RIOTS!!!

Sales of guns like this will hit the roof!!! And at the end of the riots, just like in the animal kingdom, the STRONG will get their women… the weak… will turn into fags.

2) Men are actually going to have to start being far less chauvinistic.

That’s right…like it or not, most men at least a little chauvinism in their blood.

It’s true.. admit it… even I do.

Don’t tell me you’re not!!!

I bet there was at least ONCE in your life when you were driving on the road and shouted
“HOI!!! STOOOPID WOMAN DRIVER!!! YOUR LAU PEK’S ROAD AR?!!?”
And I bet you have NEVER once said
“HOI!!! STOOOPID MAN DRIVER!!! YOUR LAU PEK’S ROAD AR?!?!”

But when you find out that there are 10 guys to every 1 girl in your town… believe me… even the most chauvinistic Chinaman will say

“Ai chehh… that nice lady there so cute lar the way she drive… don’t put signal when turning, hog both lanes… hao ke ai ah!!!”

3) Women are going to care much less about their physical looks.

That’s right!!!

So if I were a woman I would throw away my make-up, and eat all the Krispy Kreme I want to make myself the fattest tub of lard in the world.. and still I won’t have a problem getting a man. Because if you don’t want me for being fat or ugly… a million other men would.

Hahahaha okok.. how many of you nearly went blind for looking at that previous pic.

Okay because I am nice… nah I give you guys a nice pic for you to cuci your mata.
Cuci already or not?

Ok lets move on.

4) Now the women are going to get uglier but the men are going to get better looking because of the increased competition.

There will no longer be any fat men, gym memberships will take off and Men’s Health Magazine will sell better than PCWorld. Women won’t be doing plastic surgery anymore… men will.

And every man you know will look like this! Now economists like myself don’t just analyze the consequences. They suggest solutions!

What are the solutions?

SOLUTIONS

What can we do to circumvent this disaster from happening?

1) Encourage more men to be gay.

For each man that turns gay, you not only save one woman, you save TWO women, because that gay man will look for another gay man to be with.

2) Subsidize transexual operations.

Thailand will be like the Roman Empire, and Bangkok will be Rome. You think transexuals are unattractive now?? Well BEGGARS CAN’T BE CHOOSERS!!! And heck… transexuals are looking better each day.

3) Intentionally start a war to send more men to the battlefield to die.

That should be very easy to do.

Maybe Bush could go up to France and say
Bush:
HOI!!! YOUR FRENCH TOURISTS KEEP BREATHING MY AMERICAN AIR WITHOUT PAYING ME FOR IT!

France:
Pay you for it? What??

Bush:
YES!!! THE AIR OVER AMERICA BELONGS TO US… AND YOU ARE ALL STEALING IT!!!

France:
But your American tourists and breathing my air in France too!

Bush:
I DON’T CARE I DON’T CARE!!! YOU ARE BREATHING OUR AIR AND THAT’S ALL THAT MATTERS!!! I HEREBY DECLARE WAR ON YOU!!!

France:
Eh eh eh wait wait wait!!! Ok okok I pay you for it… how much you want for it?

Bush:
I want $100,000,000,000 for it!

France: Okay okay… we’ll have to dig into our reserves and borrow some money from England but nothing can be more important than avoiding this war. So consider it done.

Bush:
What? Done??? uhh uhh… no wait!!! I CHANGE MY MIND!!! I WANT A HUNDRED GAZILLION US DOLLARS… IF NOT I WAR!!!

France:
What?? Is that even a real number?!?!

Bush:
I DON’T CARE I DON’T CARE!!! YOU BETTER BANK IT INTO MY ACCOUNT BY TOMORROW OR MY B-52 BOMBERS WILL NUKE PARIS!!!

France:
Okay okay.. I will transfer a hundred gazillion US dollars to you. Which Bank and bank account number should I transfer it to?

Bush:
Huh? Really? uhh.. uhh…

I DOWAN TELL YOU WHICH BANK AND WHICH ACCOUNT NUMBER… YOU FIND OUT YOURSELF… TOMORROW I WILL RANDOMLY CHECK ONE OF OUT OF MY BILLION AMERICAN BANK ACCOUNTS AND IF I DO NOT FIND A HUNDRED GAZILLION DOLLARS IN THERE I WILL DECLARE WAR!!!

France: Okay okay… so that there isn’t a risk of any war between us, I’ll be careful and just bank in the money to ALL your accounts.

Bush: … … *3 seconds pass* I WANT THE MONEY NOW… IN 10 SECONDS OR WE’LL DECLARE WAR!!!

France: WHAT?!?! THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE!!!

Bush: TEN… NINE… EIGHT…

France: YOU MAD MAN!!!

Bush: SEVEN…. THREE… TWO… ONE… MY AIRCRAFT CARRIERS ARE ON THEIR WAY… PREPARE FOR WAR NAPOLEON!!!

See??

Easy to start a war, even if your opponent doesn’t want to pick a fight!

Once the war starts… SEND IN ALL THE MEN!!!

Or heck if the gender imbalance was more towards the younger generation then maybe we would have to send our little kids to war in their little cardboard tanks like this. Now that we’re done with analyzing the problem.

Consider this.. what if.. the situation were reversed, where your country had way more girls than guys.

Well..

LIFE WILL BE SO DAMN GOOD.

You guys know of any other creative ways to solve the problem?

Share with me!

And don’t say cloning more women… because cloning is ILLEGAL!!!

Unless of course we’re cloning women that look like this.

Because then it would be not only crime but a shame to NOT clone a billion of her right?

Disclaimer to President Bush if he ever reads this blog entry:

Dear President Bush… whatever I said to you in this blog entry is just for illustration purposes only and does not in any way mean to reflect how I think of you. Please don’t nuke Penang.. PLEASE? PLEASE?

We have no oil here!

AUGGGGHH!!!!

I WAS IN SINGAPORE LAST WEEK AND I LOST MY ONE AND ONLY PDA (that I coincidentally also bought from Singapore a year ago).

I AM STILL GRIEVING !!! AUGHH I AM SOOO SOOO SAD!!!!

My poor PDA was like a real assistant to me.

She kept track of all my meetings, schedule, phone numbers, documents… even my e-mail… EVERYTHING!!! I EVEN NAMED HER TARA!!!

AND NOW SHE’S ALL GONE

AUGHHH!!!!!!!

I LEFT IT IN A TAXI AND THE SONOFABITCH WHO FOUND IT AFTER ME DIDN’T BOTHER TO RETURN IT TO ME… AUGH!!!

No matter

*Sniff*

I’ve decided that I am going to dedicate a whole blog entry… as a funeral service for my dear Tara.

Can we all have a moment of silence please?

*Silence*

Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today to honour the passing of a dear friend Tara.
(Note: Tammy is a nickname I gave Tara)

May she rest in peace at the better place she belongs to now.

In honour of my dear Tara, I have written her a poem in her memory.

AVENGE ME TARA!!!

AVEEEENGEEE ME!!!!!

Alright so I have been in Sydney all week.

And while I’m not working on my laptop back home, I get to go out to get a little bit of air.

So I took some suggestions of some of my readers and went to Darling Harbour.

Now I am going to state the obvious.

Darling Harbour… is a harbour.

No no… not just any Harbour…. but a DARLING one.

The kind of Darling where you’ll find expensive food all around it, targeted at tourists like me, who are assumed to have a lot of money to spend when we really don’t.

So for lunch, I skip the main courses and go straight for deserts like this.

Which looked nice, but tasted awful to be honest.

Now when you go to ANY city, the important thing that ANY tourist has got to do is to take a picture in front of the city landmarks.

So I trotted away and took a picture in front of Sydney’s Harbour Bridge.

And the Opera House.

But all that didn’t really amaze me.

Let me tell you what I would consider the Eight Wonder of the World!

I was at Bondai Beach the next day, apparently Australia’s most famous beach and it was a little cold there. The wind was so fierce I couldn’t bear to be outside for long.
So I sought shelter in a nice little cafe with a view of the beach.
Ah… nice and warm in there.

Anyway, it took only 2 minutes for my mum to later call me a little “Chicken Shit” and asked me to be more adventurous, to BRAVE THE COLD!!!

“GO LAH!!! How could you have spent 3 years in London without being able to stand even this kind of cold?”
Little did she know that I spent most of my 3 years in London in my warm fuzzy bed in the arms of a warm warm warmmmmm woman.

But anyway, to BRAVE THE COLD I WENT!!!

Sometimes it just isn’t so fun being brave.

But it was only with being brave that I saw it… THE 8TH WONDER OF THE WORLD.
I mean… THERE I WAS TRYING SO HARD TO STOP MY BALLS FROM TURNING TO ICE CUBES and looking perfectly normal since all the other men around me were wrapped up in winter clothes.

THEN HE-MAN OVER THERE SPOILS THE DAMN MARKET BY WALKING AROUND IN HIS UNDERWEAR AND MAKING THE REST OF US MEN LOOK LIKE FAGS!!!

WHAT THE HELL DOES THIS GUY EAT FOR BREAKFAST EACH DAY?!?! CEMENT?!?!

Well I hope you’re happy now He-Man… and SHAVE THAT DAMN ARMPIT HAIR!!! I CAN SEE IT THAT PATCH FROM A MILE AWAY!!!

THE REAL HE-MAN SHAVES HIS ARMPIT HAIR!!!

SEE?!?!!

HMPH!

Believe it or not, I have always been a job site user, whether it was before when I was looking for a job… or even now at Nuffnang when we were looking for more people to expand our team in KL.
Any idiot can also see how the market for job sites has exploded with a million of them sprouting out everywhere on Taxi ads. Yet somehow they all always gave me the same feel.

They are all very generic: Typical professional looking websites that want you to give you the impression that they mean business from the day you stumble upon their website.

But why do things have to be so serious?

My outlook on life is this… for the things that you know are supposed to be serious and a little dull… take a more fun approach and when it comes to job sites, a new Malaysian job site: Allyhunt has taken a whole different approach to job seeking in Malaysia.

I first learned about Allyhunt when they approached us for a campaign.
The people behind it are not new to job hunting business. They’ve been in the industry for umpteen years having built a successful offline firm of their own.

After I was done begging them to advertise on Nuffnang blogs giving them my usual marketing pitch, I had a drink with the founders and they shared with me their idea for Allyhunt.

They didn’t want to start another generic looking job site.

They wanted something different, something that took a more approachable stance and you can see that in the way their website is designed and the content it has.

Heck they even have regularly updated comics for its users.

And look at the way the website talks to me when I sign up.

Most websites would say
“Thank you for registering Mr. Tiah….”

But Allyhunt says
“AHOY THERE TIAH EWE TIAM!!!”

(Ewe Tiam is my other name in case you guys don’t know)

Which almost prompted me to reply
“ARRRRRRR… FIND ME A JOB MATEY!!!”

Or in the case of Nuffnang…

“FIND ME ANOTHER INTERN MATEY!!!”

Since Suet Li just recently left Nuffnang to further her studies in the USA.
*Sniff*

Anyway, when you guys find the time, do check out Allyhunt.com and sign up.

It takes 2 minutes…

TWO MINUTES!!!

It takes MOST MEN LONGER THAN THAT JUST TO GET THEIR HAIR DONE THESE DAYS!!!

Oh and in case you’re all wondering… I’m not being paid by them to write this. I’m just doing this because I think they’re nice people.

www.allyhunt.com

So I’m in Sydney with my cousins and I was given a lecture by the girls on how important camwhoring is.

Apparently… all the younger adolescent girls these days are seriously picking up on the camwhoring trend… and we… the older generation… seem to be left out on it!

So with the help of my cousin Rachelle that you see here in this pic.

I learned the LA LA 5-STEP POSE!!!

Watch and learn (watch the fingers)!!!

STEP 1
STEP 2
STEP 3
STEP 4
STEP 5

My cousins also taught me another type of camwhoring becoming increasingly popular among girls on Friendster these days.

First.. the cute cute blur blur look
Then there is the how do you say Purposely-Put-Camera-High-High-To-See-Tek-Tek look.

In which I first told my cousins
“BUT I GOT NO TEK TEK WOR….”

and they both said
“Nehmind wan… a lot of the girls that do it also don’t really have wan… just pretend you have it”.

So there you have it everyone!

I have officially graduated from the university of Camwhoring (with bad grades but still graduated)!

THIS IS AN ANNOUNCEMENT!!!

I

AM

IN

SYDNEY!!!!!That’s right… that nice little city in Australia.

Let me tell you why I’m here.

Weeks back my family decided to make a trip here because my sister is coming to Australia to further her studies next year and she wanted to check out the universities here that she was applying to.

My sis is the chick in the middle (oh… and she hates being called a chick)

Lucky her because I didn’t know how my university in the UK looked like at all until I went there for my first day at uni.

At first I refused to go because I had work to do at Nuffnang but my parents insisted I needed a break and convinced me that whatever work I had to do, I could do it from my hotel room in Sydney as long as I had an internet connection.

Plus they felt that at the hours I was working each day, I needed a break… or I will soon burn out.

So I went along, also partly to visit one of my favourite cousins there who was studying at UTS.

Now let me be honest with you guys…

My trip so far has been a difficult one and I am actually a little bored.

I don’t know what to do and I can’t stop thinking about the work I have back home… I wanna go home!!!

I told Nicole that I miss home when she asked me how I was liking it here in Sydney…

And her reply to me was

“Miss home or miss your office?”

I guess she had a point.

Anyway… back to not knowing what to do.

I walked around Sydney, did a bit of shopping and had plenty of food, went to the casino and even followed my sister to check out some of her universities here but now I’m out of things to do.
My only consolation is that we’re staying in a really nice hotel with long corridors like this.

And a consolation it is… because that’s where I’m actually spending most my time here, connected to the internet and working.

There isn’t even a nice Australian lady to share my lonely bed with me here.

*Sniff* *Sniff*

The worst part is this… I have plenty of friends who’re studying or working in Australia right now… but believe it or not… NONE OF THEM ARE IN SYDNEY.

Just about a million of them are in Melbourne, a few of them scattered are all over Aussie and ONE dude in some island called Tazmania, mating with the koalas.

For a minute I thought that maybe… just maybe I might have a couple of readers from Sydney… but I highly doubt it.

Anyway if I do…. MY DEAR SYDNEY READERS!!!

I’m staying at the Radisson Plaza Hotel!!!
COME FIND ME AND TAKE ME TO WHERE THE GOOD FOOD IS!!!

I’m supposed to be in Sydney till Friday… but now I’m having second thoughts.. thinking of cutting my trip short… I miss Nuffnang

And our Nuffnang team misses me too? Right guys?

(If you guys ever want to tell a lie… now is the time).

I don’t know if some of you notice… but I have the super hero ability to be really really really fat when I feel like it.

Especially when I was in London and addicted to Krispy Kreme… seriously… I was so fat then, when I came home from the UK and walked around my house topless, my dad called me a “FAT SLOB”.

Heck even my fat friends in the UK used black marker pens to autograph my fat stomach… that’s how fat I was.

So all these years I was thinking that I should cut down on Krispy Kreme, potatoes, chips or any fatty foods if I wanted to lose weight but I was wrong.

I WAS WRONG I TELL YOU!!! WRONG WRONG!!!

There is something else that we all consume a lot that apparently has FAT IN IT!!!

And that is WATER!!!
IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!!!

I don’t eat so much… but I do drink a lot of water every day… more than most horses do.

And water is good for health.

It detoxifies your body, rehydrates you and bla bla bla…

So it’s good right?

WRONG!!!

I was at a lounge in transit for my flight to Singapore yesterday (to transit there to my current holiday destination that I will soon reveal)… and I found THIS!

Look closely at the bottle.. it says

FAT FREE H20!!!

Now two things hit me when I saw this bottle.

1) WATER HAS FAT IN IT?!?!?!

and the second thing:

2) *(@(*#(&@*#(&*@(&*##&(*$ THATS WHY I HAVE BEEN FAT ALL THIS WHILE!!!

So I grabbed a few bottles of the FAT FREE H20 and gulped it all down!!!

OHHHHH THANK YOU …. THANK YOU WHOEVER INVENTED THE FAT FREE WATER… NOW MY FAT TROUBLES ARE OVER….

You can even also see the difference almost instantly when you drink normal water and FAT FREE WATER….

Ok check these 2 pictures out.

SEEE?!?!?! SOO MUCH SKINNIER RIGHT?!?!?

HAHAAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

BALLS TO ALL OF YOU WHO CALLED ME FAT BEFORE!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

KRISPY KREME!!!

BOSS STEWIE HAS RETURNED!!!

PS: I know I said in the last post that I will reveal where I have gone for my holiday… but Ok lar ok lar..next post I will finally give up the mystery and reveal where I am now for my week long holiday okay?

Ming has got to be the most patriotic Singaporean I have ever met.

Then again, most Singaporeans I have met are patriotic to the bone… something I truly admire.

After the Nuffnang Rush Hour Event in Singapore, Ming ushered me off to a hotel room at the Ritz Carlton that his friends had booked.

The SGD900 per night suite was booked just in case Ming couldn’t get tickets to watch the much talked about National Day Parade in Singapore but Ming did get the tickets in the end and he put me together with some of his friends in the room to watch the parade from our window.
From the window, I could see a beautiful view of the city.

But most importantly I could see the STAGE of the National Day Parade!!!
Notice the red sea of people… just about everyone there at the parade was wearing a red shirt!

Heck there were even people in the next door hotel standing by their windows to watch the parade.

The parade started in the evening and I must say it was quite an experience.

There was the marching parade that was so impressive, it was obvious to any spectator that the army had been practising for months for this one event.
Then across the water were some artilleries for a gun salute.

Then came their jet fighters that flew over the hotel so fast I could barely get a good picture of it.

And of course, there was also Singapore’s latest pride and joy… their new Apache helicopters something Ming tells me just not any country in the world can have.

Bah!!!

But Timothy Tiah is a simple man!

I don’t need Apaches or F-22s to impress me.

All it took to impress me while I was at Singapore was…

THAT’S RIGHT!!!

AHAHAHAHA JUST AFTER I BLOGGED ABOUT THEIR TV ADS…. I FINALLY TRIED OUT THEIR DRINKS AND IT WAS FANTASTIC!!! BWAHAHAHAHAH

And to think I nearly forgot to try it.
Just while we were about to leave I stopped at a petrol station to get a drink.

I asked everyone in my car if they wanted a drink.

Then when it came to Firdauz’s turn, I asked him what he wanted and he said
“Anything lah… eh wait.. why not you get me that anything drink!”.

And so we had ANYTHING and WHATEVER to drink that day.

I LOVED IT!!!

While I liked Whatever more, I LOVED BOTH DRINKS!!!

Heck.. I posted the ad before on my blog and I’m gonna do it again!!!

WATCH THIS IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY!!!

IT’S HILARIOUS!!!

Anyway, I’m in Singapore right now and I’m leaving for the airport soon for a week long holiday to….. (Shall reveal in my next blog entry).

Have a great weekend everyone!

While the Nuffnang team was at Sentosa we went on a ride called the Luge that partly required us to sit on sky swings to get from the bottom of a hill to the top. The sky swing is if anything… freaking scary!

Allow me to illustrate.

Check out this picture. You are hanging from many many feet up in the sky with tree tops at your feet and if you think the net in the picture is meant to catch you if you fall off the swing you’re wrong.

The net is only meant to stop you from crashing into the people down below!!! One thing I learned though is this.

The average girl… is always less afraid of heights than the average guy.

That’s right.. guys are generally more afraid of heights than girls.

And I notice that even in people like my dear business partner Ming. Ming is if anything a very very aggressive character.

The kind of guy that you never want to step on his toes.

But put him on a sky swing and… Bwahahaha….

So knowing that Ming is afraid of heights, I put together a small team for my little ploy.

The Plan

First, I got Suet Li to make sure she got on the same swing as Ming and kept taunting him. Then I got our Singaporean intern Hui Wen to arm herself with her camera and take a video of Ming while Suet Li was taunting him. In Hui Wen’s defense, she was afraid to play along at first…. scared kena scolded by Ming, not to mention, when it comes to Nuffnang Singapore (in which she was working under), Ming is the boss.

But I promised her that I’ll take the fall if anything happens so she agreed. So the 3 of them got on and the video started streaming. Why don’t you guys watch the video and tell me if the plan failed or succeeded.

The Result

If you watch the video, pay special attention to how both of Ming’s hands were firmly gripped on the handle bar throughout the entire ride.