#148

Shorty in the bathroom and me in the bedroom.

Shorty: Fatty!!!

Me: What? *walks over*

Shorty: You see that pregnancy test box. Can you tell me what two lines mean?

Me: It means positive.

Shorty: OH MY GAWDDD!!! I think I’m pregnant….

Me: What?

Shorty: I’m pregnant.

Me: No la can’t be. Not so easy one…

Shorty: Well if what you read on the box is true then I am…

Me: …

Shorty: That’s it? No reaction?

Me: Hold on hold on… how do you expect me react to this….

#149

Now that Shorty was pregnant we started reading up a bit about pregnancy. We also learned that 15% of pregnancies end in miscarriage and for people with Shorty’s condition, that rate jumps to 45%. So Shorty and I were very worried and it was very nerve wrecking just for us waiting to get past the first trimester when the pregnancy stabilized. One day we had this conversation:

Shorty: I”m so worried.

Me: Yeah me too but I don’t think we should be worried. Come on Shorty… our baby isn’t going to give up so easily. He or she is a fighter. You know the song by Gym Class Heroes? The Fighter? That’s his or her theme song. *sings* There goes the fighterrrrrrrr!!!

Shorty: Hahah….

Since that day… we always referred to our baby as Fighter.

#146

Shopping at Giant when Shorty comes across these Hello Kitty hand soap dispensers.

Shorty: OOH!

Me: Haih ok fine… if you want to buy go ahead. We can afford little luxuries like that…

Shorty: OH OK!!! *grabs one and puts in the basket*

Me: WAH really taking it literally huh this girl! Didn’t even hesitate buying this huh.

Shorty: What! You say can mah…

Me: Fine fine…. Oh there’s actually soap inside already.

Shorty: Yah… see? Useful!

#147

Shorty: HAHAHAHA FATTY FATTY!!! Come I tell you this funny joke I read on Reddit.

Me: Ok what?

Shorty: So this is a thread about the most “I’m totally fucked” moment you’ve ever had. And this guy’s story is that he was at the US/Canadian border and he needed to take a crap…

Me: Oh there we go… another shit joke… I kinda saw this coming…

Shorty: Nonono… it’s not what happened to him that’s funny. But basically at the end of the story he said he managed to make it to the toilet and he said “Alas I managed to unleash the demon in me into its watery grave.” HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Me: Oh…

Shorty: Then someone replied “Alas? Maybe he actually wanted to shit his pants”. HAAHAHAHAH!!!

Me: Oh… uhh hahaha…

Shorty: Not funny meh?

Me: What’s so funny? Alas just means “at last” right?

Shorty: HAHAHAHAA MY POOR STUPID FATTY *ruffles my hair*…. No wonder you didn’t get the joke. “Alas” means  “too bad”.

Me: Oh… I knew that…

Shorty: HAHAHAH sure lah!

#144

During a family dinner

Me: *looks at Shorty’s bag* What is this on your handbag! Why do you still have this Eva Air baggage tag on your handbag?

Shorty: Hehe got Hello Kitty mah….

Me: Take it off la!

#145

Shorty: Fatty did you realize that you woke up last night and started saying things?

Me: Huh? No.. what did I do?

Shorty: You were speaking in your sleep then you suddenly woke up and sat up and then went “Go on?!”… and then you looked around then you went back to sleep.

Me: Oh… do you know what I dreamed of last night?

Shorty: No what.

Me: I dreamed that you went to hold another guy’s hand. So what I was probably mumbling in my sleep was “BITCH!!!”.

Shorty: HAHAHA!

#141

Shorty: *wakes up from an afternoon nap after I come back from work*  Fatty!

Me: Wah good life huh! Sleeping while your husband works to put food on the table huh!

Shorty: HEHEHE… I just had one of the best dreams ever.

Me: What what?

Shorty: I dreamed that I was still living in my home. My old home when I was a kid. And I had a small pet elephant.

Me: …

Shorty: And the elephant is damn cute! It’s damn round. The backside is like a basketball like that. In the dream it fell into a pail of water and when it fell you can see the big round ass sticking up. AHAHAH damn cute.

Me: Okay…

Shorty: Such a nice dream such a nice dream….

10 minutes later…

Me: Do you know that our neighbors have a cat?

Shorty: When did you go to our neighbors house?

Me: When you were sleeping.

Shorty: WOW SO MUCH HAPPENED WHEN I WAS SLEEPING. I had an elephant, the neighbor had a cat.

#142

Me: I love this song!

Shorty: That sounds like the kind of song that you will like.

Me: What is the kind of song that I would like?

Shorty: You know… All American Reject-sy type.

Me: You also what!  You like everything that sounds Beatles!

Shorty: No… I like so many types of songs.

#143

I recently bought a set of Doraemon stickers on Line. I never thought of myself as one to buy Line stickers but some of the cute ones make Shorty and I laugh a lot sometimes and so I thought all the laughs we had from them were worth the few dollars we paid. Here are some of the conversations we had with my new Doraemon stickers. Somehow they all revolve around planning for meals. Heh.

a) When Shorty told me that dinner was going to be late. (This was the first time she saw my Doraemon stickers)

b) When I was supposed to meet Shorty and her parents for dinner and I thought I was going to be late.

c) When Shorty was asking me what our dinner plans were before our dinner/movie date.

d) When Shorty was telling me that dinner was cooked and she was waiting for me.

e) When Shorty asked me what our lunch plans were while I was at work.

#138

Some time ago

Me: *shouts* SHORTY!!!

Shorty: *comes running* What ? What?

Me: Why you always leave your clothes around. It looks as if you disappeared into thin air.

Shorty: Oh hehehe…

Me: PICK IT UP!

Just recently…

Me: *walking to the bathroom and I come across this*

Me: *shouts* SHORTY!

Shorty: *comes running* What what?

Me: What is this? Why is there a great wall of your stuff blocking my way to the bathroom?

Shorty: Oh hehehhe

Me: Am I supposed to pay toll?

Shorty: Hehehe

Me: Clear it!!!

Shorty: But but but…. I put so much work into building….

Me: CLEAR IT!!!

#139

In our study. Shorty is at her side of the room on her computer and I’m on mine.

Shorty: Ooohh after we resized our new pics, our Foruchizu site so nice!

Me: Oh ok I check it out.

Shorty: You wanna come see or not?

Me: I’m loading from my side.

Shorty: *darts over*

Me: *sees Foruchizu’s new site* HAHA THIS STUPID SHORTY… SO FUNNY!

Shorty: What what?

Me: HAHA you just look cute la on that picture in front. I thought you said you don’t want to put your face on the website.

Shorty: Not to model but just on the front. Now click on the clothes link.

Me: Hmm… that model looks familiar…. like someone I know.

Shorty: Bobo…

Me: I know la. It’s nice. I’m proud of you Shorty * ruffles Shorty’s hair and hugs her*

#140

After some drinks with friends one day…

Me: You know I kinda enjoy listening to my friend’s single life and setting him up with girls. I feel like I’m living vicariously through him.

Shorty: Yah yah… I feel the same too. When I talk to Angela also and listen to how she’s enjoying her single life, it’s like I’m living vicariously through her too.

Me: *puts arm around Shorty’s shoulder* You know… even after reliving the fun single people have meeting someone new and dating… I still feel like I married the best girl out there.

Shorty: Hahaha… I feel like I married the best guy too *rubs Fatty’s tummy*

Carries on walking down a long corridor…

#134

Watching an action movie in the cinema. Action hero attacks a bad guy with a gun resulting in a fist fight and snapping of the bad guy’s neck.

Shorty: Maybe you should learn some of these skills Fatty. Might come in useful.

Me: You mean you want me to learn how to snap someone’s neck?

#135

Shorty: Fatty… studies have proven that women need more sleep than men.

Me: …

Shorty: See? Not my fault…

#136

Me: *walks into our room* What the hell? How did our mirror get there?

Shorty: Hehe… I moved it earlier today.

Me: What? So you can take picture of yourself with the sunlight coming in?

Shorty: Ya…

Me: How did someone so Short and small in size manage to move a mirror much taller than her from one end of the room to the other?

Shorty: Hehe…. magic *snorts*

Me: What are you snorting about?

Shorty: You don’t know meh? The Mr Bean scene when he goes “magic *snorts*”

#137

Shorty and I were out walking around our condo when we passed by the swimming pool

Shorty: WHY IS THE WATER GREEN?!!?

Me: I have no idea. Maybe they didn’t maintain it well.

Shorty: LOOK!! There’s a guy swimming in it.

Me: How do you know he’s swimming and not just melting in the acid water?

Shorty: HAHA!

#130

Going to a fashion event that night

Me: Ok I’m ready.

Shorty: You’re going in that?

Me: Ya why?

Shorty: You’re going in a t-shirt? Wear a proper shirt la!

Me: I don’t like wearing shirts!

Shorty: *stares*

Me: Bahh fine.

Later at the event…

Me: Look how well dressed everyone here is. Phewww lucky I wore a shirt.

Me: Everyone here so high-class Shorty. I feel so out of place. Don’t think we belong here.

Shorty: Ya haha.

#131

Me: Shorty, check out my replies to my Instagram comments about your outfit.

Shorty: HOhhh… Funny huh…

#132

During the fashion show catwalk

Shorty: That girl looks like Avatar.

Me: Yeah supposed to be art-sy I guess.

Shorty: She must be thinking to herself “Fuck lar everyone else gets to wear normal clothes!!!”

Me: AHHAHAAHAHAHAHAH!!!

#133 

After the fashion show ends

Me: Ok Shorty lets make like a hockey player and GET THE PUCK OUTTA HERE!!!

Shorty: HOhhhh!! Use my joke huh…

Me: HAHAHA. *turns to Ringo* Yo Ringo… lets make like a hockey player and get the puck outta here!!

Ringo: ….

Shorty: Eh tell people where you got the joke from.

Me: No need… my joke now. Haha!

#126

I had food poisoning just a couple of days ago. Been throwing up and having diarrhea. Last night I came back after dinner so tired I slept at 10PM and woke up at 11AM the next day.

Me: *wakes up in the morning* OMG I slept 13 hours! I’m becoming more like Shorty. Soon I might start losing height and become a Short Fatty.

Shorty: HOH!!! Actually my record is 14 hours of sleep.

Me: I would never dare beat that.

#127

Me:* Weighs self on weighing scale in our bathroom*  WOW!! I lost 1KG Shorty!

Shorty: Please la.. that’s because you had food poisoning so you lost all that water weight.

Me: Ye of little faith…

#128

Typing today’s update for Things Shorty & Fatty Say when Shorty comes up behind me

Shorty: Take out that last line in this conversation.

Me: HOHHH!!!!

Shorty: You always add one extra line after the punch line. Not necessary one.

Me: HOHHH!!! Teaching me how t0 write Things Shorty & Fatty Say huh? Teaching ME HUH!? Like teaching Leonardo Da Vinci how to PAINT!

Shorty: *points at title* Ya what… It’s Things SHORTY & Fatty say Fatty…..

#129

Messaging each other