#224

I’m in Melbourne now to visit the office of Nuffnang Australia and to attend some meetings. First let me show you some pictures of our office in Melbourne that I took this morning. It’s actually in this building that used to be an old cinema or something.

Ok so anyway, my trip here is a really short one. I flew in Tuesday night and I’m flying off Friday afternoon. Towards the end of Wednesday though I realized I managed to finish most my work here on Wednesday itself. So I was thinking of getting a flight back on Wednesday night itself (that means I would have just spent only a day in Melbourne). Plus I miss Shorty and Shorty misses me. So we were discussing this over Line on whether to pay extra to change my flight.

But in the end the price of the ticket change moved up to RM1,000 which is when we decided it was too expensive to change. So I decided to just stay here till Friday.

Miss ya Shorty! Fatty will be home soon.

#223

Shorty is looking at our gynae’s report of Fighter.

Shorty: Shit Fatty…

Me: What?

Shorty: Guess what. Fighter’s head is normal size now… and so is his body.

Me: And?

Shorty: But his legs are shorter than normal.

Me: Dammit Fighter!!! You need to learn that one from Daddy … not Mummy!

Shorty: What? He already got his big head from you!

#221

In the room I’m in my shorts but still picking a t-shirt to wear.

Shorty: OH MAI GAWD

Me: What?

Shorty: You’re so fat! I can’t believe it. I know you always said before that you put on weight but I never really saw it until now.

Me: Yeah thanks.

Shorty: You’re a muffin top now.

Me: I’m not that fat lah… *weighs self on scale*  See ? Only 70.9 KG

Shorty: Let me weigh myself……. Haihhh 45 kg.

Me: …

Shorty: A lot of people say my ass didn’t grow fat at all since the pregnancy but I feel ….

Me: Thanks ah…

Shorty: What?

Me: First you come here when I’m picking a shirt. Then you say I muffin top. Then when you weigh yourself on the scale and it’s a quarter of my weight you sigh like you’re one big fatty.

Shorty: HAHAHA… I’m not a quarter of your weight lah….

#222

The gynae that Shorty and I see for her pregnancy is supposed to be one of the best doctors in KL.

We love her because she really gives you the feeling like she knows what she’s doing and she’s really really thorough. She’s also the nicest doctor but somehow Shorty and I find her a little intimidating. In case she doesn’t want to me on any blog, lets just call her Dr Carol. So one day Shorty and I were talking…

Shorty: You know I really feel intimidated by Dr Carol. Sometimes I actually feel scared to ask her questions.

Me: Yeah I know. Me also. Notice how when we go see her I just sit down and shut up.

Shorty: Haha yah… that day want to ask about whether to circumcise Fighter also I scared.

Me: Yalahh… she was neutral about it la but imagine if she was against circumcision and we asked her. She’d be like “WELL WHY DON’T YOU ASK YOUR HUSBAND HOW HE’LL FEEL IF WE CUT OFF HALF HIS COCK?”.

Shorty: HAHAHA what would you do if that really happened?

Me: I would shut the fuck up, sit there and shake my head vigorously.

#217

At Sunway Pyramid for the Nuffnang and ChurpChurp screening of Despicable Me 2. I’m wearing my minion t-shirt with the big eye ball.

Me: I think people are staring at my shirt…. or maybe.. my shirt is staring at them. HEHEHE…

Shorty: Funny huh this Fatty….

Me: Want to see my shirt cock stare people? Watch this. *stops walking then turns eyeball on shirt around to slowly follow the person walking past*. COCK-STARE!!!

Shorty: Don’t be stupid Fatty.

#218

Still walking around Sunway Pyramid…

Me: Hmm I notice got a lot of Middle-Eastern tourists here huh…

Shorty: Of course. We’re at Pyramid right? *Does Egyptian dance* HAHAHA

#219

Looking for the cinema at Sunway Pyramid

Me: Where is the cinema again ah?

Shorty: I dunno.

Me: How can you not know? Hello did you not grow up in Subang?

Shorty: Yah but they moved the cinema. It changed already.

Me: WHERE GOT. It’s always been at the same place.

Shorty: Got… last time it’s near Ajisen Ramen wan.

When we finally find the cinema

Me: There! It STILL IS near Ajisen Ramen what! Ohh…. not very bright huh this girl.

Shorty: No I mean it was on the same floor….

Me: Brightness not your strong point huh?

Shorty: Last time it was down here right next to it wan!

Me: The Brightness is not strong in this one huh?

Shorty: Shuddup lah!

#220

Me: You know I realized something today Shorts. 

Shorty: What?

Me: Well… actually… I’m actually not really fat.

Shorty: Yes you are.

Me: No I’m not. It’s just that… you’re short. So from your height you look at everyone from below their chin level.

Shorty: So?

Me: So…. EVERYBODY LOOKS FAT OR UGLY WHEN YOU LOOK FROM BELOW! Here let me take a picture from below and show you.

 

Me: SEE?!?

Shorty: HAHAHA DAMN FAT DAMN UGLY THIS PICTURE!

#214

Walking up to my bedroom after I just got back from work. I overheard the door to my room quietly unlock so that I can walk in. I walk in and see Shorty hiding behind the door trying to scare me, just like she tries to almost every other day.

Me: I can hear you so sneakily unlock the door from the outside la!

Shorty: HEHEHEHE

Me: So annoying… do this how many times already ?

Shorty: HEHEHEHE

Me: Yala… just like your stupid credit card prank (the credit card prank is when Shorty sees me bending down to pick something up, she will go behind me, slide her hand between my ass cheeks and shout “CREDIT CARD”)

Shorty: HEHHEHEHE

Me: Do so many times, don’t you think I would know not to fall for it anymore?

Shorty: What… you still fall for my credit card what!

Me: I GOT TO BEND DOWN EVERY NOW AND THEN RIGHT?!?!!

#215

Having a Japanese dinner at a restaurant we like to frequent…

Shorty: How come you order soba one today? I thought you always order garlic fried rice.

Me: Ya I know… I decided to mix things up a bit today. Order SOBA instead of Garlic Fried Rice.

Shorty: Ohh…

Me: I decided to be BAD ASS today!

Shorty: …

Me: To take the risk…

Shorty: ….

Me: YOLO!!!!

Shorty: Shuddup la so annoying!

#216

I came back one day after a meeting and saw that Shorty made steamboat for dinner. It was in her wedding vows.

Me: OOH STEAMBOAT!!!

Shorty: HEHEHEH

Me: Reading the instruction manual of how to use it huh?

Shorty: HEHEHE… still.. wedding vow fulfilled.

#210

Me: Shorty… I got good news and bad news. Which you want first?

Shorty: What?

Me: Say lah… which you want first?

Shorty: Good news.

Me: The good news is that I made a modification to our shampoo bottle so that more shampoo comes out when you press it.

Shorty: Ok what’s the bad news.

Me: I actually dropped the bottle in the shower. So now there is a huge crack in the middle. When you squeeze it shampoo pours out from everywhere, not just the top.

#211

In the car…

Shorty: WOAAWWWWW YOU FART AH !!!!!

Me: HEHEHEHEHEE….

Shorty: FUCK LA DAMN SMELLY LAH!!!

Me: HAHAHAHAH

Shorty: Stop farting lah!

Me: How to stop?

Shorty: Go shit lah you… no manners…

Me: HAhahaha

Shorty: Kurang ajar….

Me: HAHAHAH!

5 minutes later…

Shorty: I STILL SMELL THE REMNANT FART IN THE CAR!!!

10 minutes later Shorty is playing with my car radio and changes the song…

Me: Excuse me…

Shorty: Ya ok wait wait I’m playing back….

Me: ….

Shorty: FUCK LAH YOU FART AGAIN AH!!!

Me: I said excuse me what! Cannot say I kurang ajar this time.

Shorty: I thought you were saying excuse me about the car radio.

Me: You jumped to that conclusion yourself.

Shorty: FUCK LAH!!!

#212

Me: I like having short hair. I think one day I want to shave my head bald.

Shorty: Then you better lose weight first.

#213

Shorty likes Mariah Carey’s Fantasy. One day in our study.

Shorty: *plays Mariah Carey’s Fantasy and does a stupid dance*

Me: HAHAHA… what kind of dance is that!

Shorty: HAHAHA

Me: Come do again, I take video of it.

Shorty: Dowan lah!

Me: Come come…

Shorty: *does dance again*

This is the result.

#208

In the car one day…

Shorty: Wow Fats I can’t believe in a few months Fighter will be born and we’ll be parents.

Me: Yep.

Shorty: It’s so soon.

Me: Not soon enough for me. I’ve been waiting a long time for this.

Shorty: Not that long what. Few months only.

Me: No I have been waiting all my life to have a baby.

Shorty: Please lah… are you saying you wanted to have kids since you were 1 years old?

Me: Yes. When I was one years old I looked at myself in the mirror, masssaged my chin and went “Hmm… Imma have one of those one day”.

Shorty: HOW CAN!

#209

Shorty loves Stitch from Lilo & Stitch. The only thing she likes more than Stitch is nothing (haha geddit geddit?). So one day I found some Stitch stickers on Line. I decided to buy them and show them to Shorty. This is what happened.

#206

Walks into the study to see Shorty sitting like this one day.

Me: WAH SITTING LIKE A GANGSTER HUH THIS SHORTY!

Shorty: HEHEHEHE

#207

Last Friday Shorty came over to my office for a meeting. The meeting was at 1PM so she asked me for lunch…

Me: Your meeting 1PM how to go out for lunch like that?

Shorty: Eat around your office la!

Me: So uninspiring! I eat around my office every day! Friday I want to go out and eat something inspiring….

Shorty: What do you want to eat?

Me: I don’t know… yong tau foo, char siew fan… anything nicer than what I usually eat around my office.

Shorty: Eat tomorrow lah….

Me: Fine….

Shorty: So what you want to eat around the office?

Me: Pappa Rich lah….. the food there is nice.

Shorty: Ok.

Later while walking to Pappa Rich

Me: Haih… we could have been on the way out to eat something more inspiring *whines*… but nooo… just because you had to put a meeting at 1PM we got no time. Right smack in the middle of lunch time.

Shorty: Aiyo… still complaining huh this Fatty.

Me: I mean Pappa Rich is quite nice lah but I can eat it every other day!!! *continues whining*

While at Pappa Rich waiting for our food to come…

Shorty: Is that a….. COCKROACH!!!!!!

Me: What where?

Shorty: THERE!!!

Me: Aiyah it’s just a small one.

Shorty: KILL IT KILL IT !!!!

Me: Dowan lah… don’t want to dirty my hands. It’ll go away.

Shorty: KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT!!!!

Me: Fine la fine la! *takes tissue and squishes cockroach*

Shorty: It’s not dead yet.

Me: It’s dead lah.

Shorty: *comes over and hammers the tissue a few more times*

Me: It was already dead lah!

Shorty: Can never be too sure.

Me: SEE LA… Come here eat uninspiring lunch and have to kill my own cockroach!!! *complains*

So since Shorty found out that I have a friend named Robin, she hasn’t stopped with the Robin jokes.

#203

Shorty: Did you ask Robin which postal service he used to ship back his stroller when he bought it from the US?

Me: Yah.

Shorty: Really??? Which service did he use?

Me: It wasn’t a postal service. He was shipping some stuff back for his business so he managed to sort of tumpang.

Shorty: Ohh…

Me: Yep… so cannot lah. We have to figure out our own way.

Shorty: So the Boy Wonder doesn’t save the day huh?

Me: Ohh…. still making Robin jokes huh!

Shorty: HAHAHA!

#204

Robin was really nice to invite us to watch the new Superman (Man of Steel) at a movie screening he organized. During the part of the movie when Superman was fully dressed out in his suit…

Shorty: You know what Robin is thinking right now?

Me: What?

Shorty: He’s thinking “Damn his cape is nicer than mine”.

Me: ….

#205

We were talking about some billionaires one day in the car.

Me: It’s amazing how these people get so rich.

Shorty: Yeah….

Me: I really wonder how they do it.

Shorty: Do you know how I got rich?

Me: How?

Shorty: By “Robbin” (Robbing)…. HAHAHAHAH

Me: Still not over the Robin jokes huh.

Shorty: HAHAHAHA come on you want to laugh too. You think it’s good.

#201

Me: Shorty come I ask you trick question.

Shorty: What?

Me: Bob has 40 chocolate bars. He eats 35. What does he have left?

Shorty: What?

Me: You tell me.

Shorty: I want to say 5 but you sure say wrong one.

Me: Only one way to find out.

Shorty: Fine…. 5.

Me: Wrong… HAHAH

Shorty: Then what’s the answer?

Me: Diabetes. Bob has diabetes. *grins*

Shorty: ….

Me: You know you want to laugh too… come on don’t hold it back… HAHAHA

Shorty: No I laugh because you damn stupid your face.

#202

On a weekday morning I wake up and get ready to go to work. I turn off the air con then turn on the fan because it’s really cold. Shorty is still in bed. Just as I was about to leave the room…

Shorty: Hmfff… hmff fhhh frrrhhh!!!

Me: What?

Shorty: Hmmmfff hmfff frrhhh air-con!!

Me: What?

Shorty: On back the air-con asshole!

Me: Oh ok sorry. *turns on air-con*

The next day in our room. I’m swinging my golf club practising my golf swing when I accidentally hit her dressing table with it.

Shorty: Oi fuck la what are you doing!?!

Me: Ooops hehehe.. sorry.

Shorty: -____-

Me: Ohhh so vulgar huh this Shorty. Few days ago call her husband an asshole. Then today say “Fuck lah!”.

Shorty: Of course lah! What kind of idiot swings a golf club in his bedroom?

Me: And now we have “idiot”. Thanks Shorty.