I was at Gurney Plaza last weekend to meet some friends up for coffee.

And what do you know, there were cars on display.

Not just any cars…. cars that any Ah Beng would drool over like this Mitsubishi EVO IX.

Now ladies… if you look at tht red car and think to yourself
“What the heck is so good about that car? It looks like just another cheap Japanese car?”.

Then you have clearly passed (or completely skipped) the phase in life when you would drool over cars like that.

I remember sitting in Murnis SS2 one day when a white EVO slowly drove past.

There were two tables there full of girls each.
One type completely ignored the car and the only one girl in the group to notice the car mumbled to her friends
“Stupid a$$hole… so loud engine for what?“.

Whereas the other type with hair dyed to the colour of gold or red and earrings worn in every place possible went
“WAH!!! EVO WOR… HOU YENG ARR!!!!”.

I too remember the days when I used to be crazy over these kind of cars.I would see an EVO, RX-7 or Impreza on the road and say
“WOAH! I WISH I HAD A CAR LIKE THAT!”.

But after spending three years in London and seeing the cars they had there.

I began to view things in a different light.

Somebody once told me that the Evo, Impreza and RX-7… are cars for the BOYS.

And cars like BMWs to Ferraris… are cars for the MEN.
I initially took it as an insult!!! HOW COULD THEY MAKE FUN OF MY EVO!!!

But over the years… my thinking changed.

Today, if I had to pick between an EVO and a BMW 3 series (which are both close to the same price), I would go for the BMW.

But that’s just me.

And of course.. there are the other cars.

Like this car.

For the unpretentious confident man who knows that he doesn’t need a fancy car to prove that he is a MAN.

All he needs is a comfortable car to move around in and he strongly believes that women will look at him for the person he is and not for the car he drives (naive or not… you guys tell me).

But the saddest man of all… is the man who buys a car like this.

I bet you that a man who buys a car like this at one point in his younger life probably once said
“I’m going to grow old and buy a Ferrari!“.
(A contrast to the affordable, value for money and reliable Japanese vans!)

But that was before he met his wife.

Since then.. his only OTHER car… has been a Toyota Unser.

And whenever he thinks of his Ferrari again… his wife would go
“YOU STUPIAK MAN!!! HOW IS THE WHOLE FAMILY GOING TO FIT IN THAT CAR?!?!
DON’T MAKE ME BEAT YOU SILLY!!!”.

I was at Gurney Plaza last weekend to meet some friends up for coffee.

And what do you know, there were cars on display.

Not just any cars…. cars that any Ah Beng would drool over like this Mitsubishi EVO IX.

Now ladies… if you look at tht red car and think to yourself
“What the heck is so good about that car? It looks like just another cheap Japanese car?”.

Then you have clearly passed (or completely skipped) the phase in life when you would drool over cars like that.

I remember sitting in Murnis SS2 one day when a white EVO slowly drove past.

There were two tables there full of girls each.
One type completely ignored the car and the only one girl in the group to notice the car mumbled to her friends
“Stupid a$$hole… so loud engine for what?“.

Whereas the other type with hair dyed to the colour of gold or red and earrings worn in every place possible went
“WAH!!! EVO WOR… HOU YENG ARR!!!!”.

I too remember the days when I used to be crazy over these kind of cars.I would see an EVO, RX-7 or Impreza on the road and say
“WOAH! I WISH I HAD A CAR LIKE THAT!”.

But after spending three years in London and seeing the cars they had there.

I began to view things in a different light.

Somebody once told me that the Evo, Impreza and RX-7… are cars for the BOYS.

And cars like BMWs to Ferraris… are cars for the MEN.
I initially took it as an insult!!! HOW COULD THEY MAKE FUN OF MY EVO!!!

But over the years… my thinking changed.

Today, if I had to pick between an EVO and a BMW 3 series (which are both close to the same price), I would go for the BMW.

But that’s just me.

And of course.. there are the other cars.

Like this car.

For the unpretentious confident man who knows that he doesn’t need a fancy car to prove that he is a MAN.

All he needs is a comfortable car to move around in and he strongly believes that women will look at him for the person he is and not for the car he drives (naive or not… you guys tell me).

But the saddest man of all… is the man who buys a car like this.

I bet you that a man who buys a car like this at one point in his younger life probably once said
“I’m going to grow old and buy a Ferrari!“.
(A contrast to the affordable, value for money and reliable Japanese vans!)

But that was before he met his wife.

Since then.. his only OTHER car… has been a Toyota Unser.

And whenever he thinks of his Ferrari again… his wife would go
“YOU STUPIAK MAN!!! HOW IS THE WHOLE FAMILY GOING TO FIT IN THAT CAR?!?!
DON’T MAKE ME BEAT YOU SILLY!!!”.

Every now and then my readers would do something to make me happy or laugh.

Whether it’s forwarding funny e-mails, leaving funny comments, fighting for the “First” to comment… you guys always make me happy even when I’m feeling down in the crapper.

Now recently, one of my readers named Gwen, decided to entertain me further by giving me a Tarot Reading.

She is apparently very good at these things and her predictions were true in many cases.

This is what her cards predicted about me (in her exact words).

The first card represents your general environment and emotions at present: Violence! Stubbornness with a tinge of vehemence, you seek the death of someone 😛

Stewie: WHAT?!?! I DON’T FEEL LIKE KILLING ANYONE!!! (Apart from the people who call me fat).

The second card are the obstacles that you are facing in your life (whether it be known to you or not):
Cruelty, perversion, barbarity and have evil intentions, emotions that conflict with how you should behave in society

Stewie: So I am cruel, a pervert, a barbarian and I have evil intentions (to take over the world)…. Thanks Gwen.

The third card is a symbol of what crowns you, ie. the best that you will ever be, but have not achieved it yet:
You want to be a good person, and become very strict with yourself. Your life will be great if you only had discipline. You can achieve the level of respect that you can get, but you’ll have to bypass your obstacles first.

Stewie: You mean I don’t have discipline? WHAT?!? THAT IS SO NOT TRUE. I stopped going out clubbing and drinking late at night since I started having to wake up early for work every morning.

The fourth card is something that you already have in your talent pool, something you can use as a factor to overcome your obstacles:
You have strength, determination, and a complex mind, says you’re also comfortable undertaking many positions that are not typical.

Stewie: I don’t know if this is true in myself but some of my friends have told me this before.

Your fifth card determines your past:
There has been a record of pain, and sickness, loss and disaster.

Stewie: Can you blame me for this? I had a girlfriend who left me for my childhood friend, then went on to sleep with another friend of mine. Then many years later came back into my life just to sleep with another one of my childhood friends… but cheated on that childhood friend by sleeping with another friend of mine…

The sixth determines your future and what’s to come:
Again loss, probably something of yours will get stolen … something that is taken away for the better.

Stewie: Alright… which one of you bastards is going to sleep with my next girlfriend?

The first card represents your attitude about yourself and the world:
You have a curious understanding of the world and dont’ mind doing dirty work.

Stewie: This is true.

The reading on your attitude right now also says:
You have activity, and the parth of such activity, swiftness, as that of an express messenger, great haste.

Stewie: Yeah quite true as well.

The Second card reflects your environment, family and those around you and how they influence you:
Your friends are sources of great happiness and you often rely on them to get the inside scoop on anything. You have many many loyal friends and family. They look up to you and expect a lot from you too.

Stewie: True but they missed out one thing: My readers are also a source of great happiness to me.

The third card interprets your hopes and fears:
You’re very cautious about being seen as a selfish person, you like to have many friends (in a crowd) and only have very few that you truly enjoy being with, maybe as few as just one that you trust and hold dear.

Stewie: Ahh… ah yes fine fine… true. Ah Bop is the one I hold dear.
The last card represents what will come: You will experience joy, contentment and security, it also says you will get fatter (I didn’t write this!!! the direct words used are “abundance and nourishment”)

Stewie: DID YOU JUST CALL ME FAT?!?! READ THE FIRST CARD YOU JUST READ OUT TO ME!!!!

PS: The new banner was designed by Gwen.
In case you’re wondering, it’s a night view of Penang! See… we have lights in Penang too!

Thanks for the banner Gwen 😛

Jolene and Yee Hou, the glue that keeps the blogosphere together is organizing another Blog Meet.Everyone is invited… even if you didn’t get a specific invitation to your name you’re invited!

Check out Jolene and Yee Hou‘s blog for more details.

Is Boss Stewie going?

Uhmm……

I was at Leon’s place for a chilling out session last night.

As usual… most of the gang were clocking “Malaysian Time” while I and a few others were early.

So while waiting for everyone else to come, we decided to play with the web cam on my Mac.

First, we started taking the typical group pictures.

Then we played a little with the camera effects to get this.
Then as you can probably see from our faces in the previous picture, we were getting bored so we started playing even more with the effects of the camera and ended up with this “Predator-Style” picture.

And this tunnel vision style on Matt

It was better but we still were bored.

So we tuned the effects up and ended up with this.

This

thisand this

And after all that… we were happy.

Or at least… I was…

See how happy I was?

A smiley Stewie is a happy Stewie.

I have been looking for a new laptop in the past 2 weeks.

My current ‘old faithful‘ has been with me for more than two years and I thought it was time to move on, not because I was bugged by it being out of date but because it was getting too heavy for me to drag around.

I bought this Dell laptop when I was in the UK thinking that I wanted a huge but powerful laptop.

Since I only intended to carry it between my London flat and my home in Penang, the weight wasn’t a problem for me.

But now that I’m out working on Netccentric, I find myself carrying my heavy laptop everywhere which is way too taxing on a fat man like me.

So I went and bought myself a Mac.I know what some of you are thinking
“WHAT!?!?! MAC?!?!”
Well I bought the Mac not because of the iPhone or any of Apple’s immense branding power.

It’s not even because the Mac comes with its own remote control.I bought it because I started thinking about all my previous computers.

Every time I buy a new computer, it would feel lightning fast… but sooner or later it will slow down and the next thing I know, the new computer would feel just as slow as the old computer does.

I’m sure we all know how it feels like to have Internet Explorer take 10 seconds just to start up when it took 2 seconds when it was brand new.Now the explanation that most people have given me for this situation is because of the Hard Drive more than the Operating System.

But my friends who use Mac always tell me that their computers almost never slow down so I decided to give it a shot, try a different Operating System for once.

When I think a Mac, I think of Hasan, one of my best friends back in my UCL days.

Hasan is very against the idea of a Mac so when I bought my Mac, I just HAD to tell him about it.

This is how our MSN conversation went.

Hasan says:
timmy!

Stewie… says:
yes hasan

Stewie… says:
haha

Stewie… says:
u’re going to be so… not proud of me if i tell u what i’m doign right now

Hasan says:
porn?

Hasan says:
is it porn?

Stewie… says:
nooo

Hasan says:
is it gay porn?

Stewie… says:
i am setting up my new laptop

Hasan says:
gay porn on your new laptop?

Hasan says:
i expect that from you

Stewie… says:
hahaha

Hasan says:
well, congratulations on a new laptop

Stewie… says:
no

Stewie… says:
worse

Hasan says:
what?

Hasan says:
gay porn with animals? with your head photoshopped in?

Hasan says:
on the animals?

Stewie… says:
hahaha

Stewie… says:
no

Stewie… says:
my new laptop

Stewie… says:
is a mac

Hasan says:
WHAT!

Hasan says:
i disown you

Hasan says:
you are my timmy no longer!

Hasan says:
you’ve been lured by that iphon!

Hasan says:
that we won’t even see for a year

Stewie… says:
nonoo

Stewie… says:
i ordered it just a week before the iphone came out

And then I went on to ask him

Stewie… says:
come on

Stewie… says:
why do u hate mac

Hasan says:
i dunno

Hasan says:
i guess its just a historic revulsion

Hasan says:
to the traditional user of macs

Stewie… says:
why?

Stewie… says:
elaborate

Hasan says:
they were the true geeks

Hasan says:
the definiton of geeks

Stewie… says:
and bill gates wasn’t

Hasan says:
noooo!

Stewie… says:
yes

Stewie… says:
bill gates was a jock in school

Stewie… says:
he played football

Stewie… says:
got drunk every night

Hasan says:
exactly!

Hasan says:
now you’re talking!

Either ways… I lurrrrveee my Mac (though I’m still trying to learn how to use it).

So here’s a pic of me and my Mac
(Its “Me and My Mac” as far as I’m concerned… not “My Mac and I“.)

Oh… and this blog entry… was written on my Mac.

MAC HOOoooO!!!!!

PS: Ok.. now give it to me… how many of you are going to stop reading my blog now that I blog from a Mac… HAHAHAHA

I’m not a very good Penangite simply because I tend to spend all my time in the newly developed parts of Penang as opposed to the Old Penang Town.So last weekend I decided to do something different.

I drove into town to where the famous Penang Jetty, in an area also known as Weld Quay.

The view of the sea there was beautiful.

I admired someone’s yacht parked in the water right in front of me for a moment and I pondered if I would ever buy a yacht if I were really rich one day.

But I lost interest in the yacht when I realised that I probably wouldn’t use it for anything apart from impressing girls (which to some people could probably a good enough reason to spend millions of dollars).

Since I was there, I decided to have lunch at a new Hainanese Restaurant called Hainan Town.

While I expected restaurants in that part of town to be at least dirty looking, this one was clean, cosy and most importantly for me… cooling. Upon finishing my meal I walked around town a bit and glanced at the famous Penang Clock Tower that my school teacher used to tell me about.

My school teacher used to tell me that in his days, not many people in Penang had watches so they all depended on this one clock tower to tell the time.Though I’m not sure whether to believe him or not since he was the same teacher who once told the class that it was normal for school teachers to twist the nipples of their students if they were naughty or didn’t do their homework.

The shy boy students who got their nipples pinched often cried in shame… but the thick skinned ones liked to act tough and moan
“Oooohh.. Ohhh… STIM… KUAT LAGI… TEKAN!!!”.

I don’t think I have to tell you guys which type of student I was.

Anyway, according to the nipple twister, sooner or later everyone neglected the clock tower and started getting their own watches and I could see why.

Because the damn clock wasn’t working anymore and nobody bothered to fix it.

While my modest Swatch told me it was about 12 noon.

The old clock tower tried to lie to me by telling that the time was 12.55pm (HAH! SNEAKY CLOCK TOWER!).

So I walked around the quiet town a little bit more until I had enough.

Then I got into my car and……..

HEADED TO OVER NEW PENANG WOOHOOO!!!
THE NEW QUEENSBAY MALL…

Now take a look at the OUTSIDE of the new Queensbay Mall in Penang.
Okay… then take a look at the INSIDE of the new Queensbay Mall in Penang. Does it look familiar?

YES IT DOES!!!

IT LOOKS JUST LIKE ANOTHER 1-UTAMA OR MIDVALLEY… BUT IN PENANG… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

PENANG IS BECOMING more and more like KL.

And we’re even reclaiming lots and lots of land.

Heck soon we’ll have reclaimed so much land that we won’t be an island anymore… in fact, Penang will be known as an INLAND city.. just like KL.

HAHAHAHAHAHAH

Anyway, I walked around Queensbay Mall to look for something to eat.

I was considering Beard Papa’s lovely and rather expensive cream puffs but I decided that these expensive ‘snacks’ weren’t meant for people in the lower income bracket like myself.

So I went over here. And had ice-cream instead!

Boss Stewie is fat… and happy (eventhough the picture makes it look like something was wrong with the ice-cream I was eating)….

A friend of mine recently brought to my attention an article on Pirate Bay.

For those of you who don’t know what Pirate Bay is… shame on you!

Pirate Bay is the world’s largest Bittorrent Tracker (or at least it claims to be).

“Pirates” like these normally find sanctuary in countries like Russia or Sweden where American Copyright laws don’t apply. Which is why they can rightfully afford to be cocky!

Apple sent them an e-mail saying
“We demand that you immediately disable the torrent and/or tracker and prevent further distribution of Apple’s trade secret and copyrighted material”.

And they replied saying
“We demand that you provide us with entertainment by sending more legal threats. Please?”

But recently even the Swedish government has been under pressure to shut them down resulting in their servers being taken away in a police raid on May 2006.

So now they’ve all decided to purchase (or at least try to) a country of its own in the form of a man made platform called Sealand.

Sealand will allow them to host their servers in PEACE since they’ll be free of all copyright laws!

The island is expected to cost GBP 504,000,000 and they have already raised uhmm… about $15,327 through a website they set up to collect donations.

But lets just say they DO succeed to come up with the money to buy Sealand.

They’re gonna be able to host their servers in peace without worrying about any cops showing up at their door.
I mean… no cop is going to bother swimming far out into sea just to confiscate their servers right?

The cops won’t bother they’ll just send the Aircraft Carrier.

But how how how how how can they simply invade another tiny country like that?

Easy… all Bush has to say is…Oh and of course throw in a few words like
“Axis of Evil”, “Terrorists” and “Al-Qaeda”.

Check out the article on Sealand here.

And the legal threats to Sealand (and their responses) here.

Picture this.

You’re a 17-year old schoolboy in China.

You meet this 19-year old girl online with the nick “Flying Skirt” and she tells you she’s a bloody hottie, maybe even sends you a picture of herself.
And not only is she hot, but she also seems to be deeply in love with you, spending hours each day chatting with you over the internet, maybe even some instances of cybersex.

Then one day, “Flying Skirt” decides that the both of you should meet up.

You get so excited.

All the nights you spent fantasizing about her and now you’re going to get to see the real person!

You go all out to buy the best clothes you can to make yourself look presentable and desirable.

You shop for an Armani Suit.
a Gucci tie.
And you even throw aside your Pokemon underwear and buy a new fresh piece of Versace’s just in case you get lucky.

Then the day comes and you tell your mum that you’re going to school for a school project.

You arrive at the meeting place and meet her.

To your surprise, you find out that she’s actually 10-years older than she said and not as hot as you thought she would be (and definitely not the same person as the pictures she’s been sending you).

You then go home to your family disappointed and you lose your appetite to eat.

And 4 days later you hang yourself.Does that sound like something anyone would do?

No?

Well check out what I read on the Inquirer.net

BEIJING — A 17-year-old boy in northeastern China was so disappointed with the looks of a woman he met over the Internet that he hanged himself after seeing her face-to-face, state media reported Friday.

The unnamed teenager first contacted the woman — known by her chat moniker “Qunjiaofeiyang”, or “Flying Skirt” — using the popular Chinese online messaging software QQ, Xinhua news agency said.

The girl described herself as a beautiful 19-year-old and the pair chatted on the Web for weeks before arranging a December 26 rendezvous in the nearby city of Mudanjiang, in far northeastern Heilongjiang province.

The boy arrived to discover the woman far less attractive than advertised and 10 years older than him, Xinhua said.

The boy immediately returned home, lost his appetite, and four days later hanged himself from a tree.

Now when things like that happen, there are only two explanations that I can think of.

Either the boy must’ve been really really REALLY STUPID…

or….

That must’ve been one HELLUVA FUGLY WOMAN…

Ok but seriously… I think the more logical explanation is simply that the boy wasn’t very bright.

I mean…

HOW BAD COULD THE WOMAN BE?!?!

Like this?Or this?
Even so… that’s not too bad.

Nobody’s asking you to go to bed with her but you can treat the woman like a normal human being and just talk to her like a good man.

I mean.. heck even if she’s like this you shouldn’t… Shouldn’t…

*pause*

uhmm...

ok wait… SOMEBODY GET ME SOME ROPE QUICK!!!

My dear readers, we all know we’ve reached a whole new low… when we have a blogger write about our “Fight To Be Last”.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!