Category Archives: Things Shorty & Fatty Say

Things Shorty & Fatty Say #337: Steamboat



Shorty and me were eating at Harbour Steamboat in Sri Petaling for the second time.

Me: Wah this place is really amazing. It’s so packed. Printing money for sure,

Shorty: How much do you think they make?

Me: Well I think this place can fit like 50 people. Lets say in one night they can turn 3 times and assuming no lunch crowd because people don’t normally have steamboat for lunch right? So okay assuming each person spends RM25. That’s about RM3750 a day. Assuming it’s open 6 days a week that’s about RM1.08 million a year. They make at least 20% margin so minimum profit is RM200K a year. MINIMUM.

Shorty: Where got RM25 per head! This is steamboat. More like RM50.

Me: Really? But at this location… don’t think it’s so expensive right?

Half an hour later the bill comes.



Things Shorty & Fatty Say #336: About a new charger and games….

For the past week or so Shorty has been looking all around the house for her laptop charger that has been mysteriously missing. At first her hunt for it started with a “have you seen my laptop charger?”

and as time went by with the charger unseen she went

“Where’s my charger where’s my charger?”.

Then eventually it got to the point where she started staking claim over my charger

“Is this my charger? Are you sure you didn’t take my charger?”.

Finally after a week of borrowing my charger every other day, she succumbed to buying a new charger. We walked into the Apple store today only to find out that the price of a new charger was over RM300.

This is the conversation that took place after:

Me: WHAT?! RM350?? Wait wait hold up.. think about this.

Shorty: Why? But I need it.

Me: Maybe we can look online for a second hand one.

Shorty: No but I don’t have time. I’m going to the US this Friday already.

Me: But it’s RM350 ! I mean … that’s almost as much as it cost for me to buy my “gold” in my iPad robot game and I’m taking months to think about spending that money.

Shorty: Really? You want to go there?

And she gave me this face…


Me: Uhh…

Shorty: How much have you spent on your robot game so far? USD100? Or was it USD 200? (It’s actually USD 300.

Me: Ok… I didn’t think that one through.

Shorty: No really… how much again?

Me: I walked right into this one didn’t I?

Shorty: Dare to compare some more huh? Some more I am spending money on a charger that I need to use. You? On some pixels on a screen.

Me: *keeps quiet*

At this point I realize no good was going to come out of this conversation so I kept my mouth shut before I dug a deeper hole for myself.

Things Shorty & Fatty Say #335: Chanel bag


Shorty and I were at a family dinner when we noticed my cousin’s girlfriend carrying a bag that costs more than Fighter’s school fees for a year.

Halfway through the dinner my cousin’s girlfriend went to the restroom and left her bag on her seat.

Me: Quick Shorts. Grab the bag and run. Our (family) getaway van is right outside waiting.

Shorty: Haha yes yes! We DO have a getaway van! But I won’t make it!

Me: Alright grab it and hide it in the flower pot outside or something. We’ll come back and get it. GO! WOMAN GO!

Cousins girlfriend comes back and sits down and noticed us looking very suspicious.

Cousins gf: What?

Me: Nothing nothing.

So I brought my wife to the Star Wars Premiere and…

I managed to score a pair of invites to the Star wars: The Force Awakens last night. I was naturally excited because I’m a huge Star Wars fan since I was a kid. Well huge as in I liked Episode 4,5 and 6 but I didn’t really like 1,2 and 3. Ever since I finished Return of the Jedi as a kid I always wondered why they never had a sequel to that.

Finally.. some many many many years later my wish gets fulfilled in The Force Awakens.

My wife however has never watched a Star Wars movie before. NEVER. I know! It’s unbelievable! When I first knew about that a few years back I insisted she watch at least The Return of The Jedi but she said she’d rather spend that two hours of her life re-watching Enchanted. So here is my wife who has watched and loved silly movies like Borat or Dumb and Dumber but never ever watched any episodes of George Lucas’ greatest gift to mankind.

Getting these two tickets from Disney was the first best excuse I had to get my wife to watch a Star Wars movie. Here’s how it went.

1) When we arrived at the Premiere and saw many fans dressed as Storm Troopers, Jedis and the likes…

Me: See? I told you people would dress up for the premiere.

Wife: Dress up? Those guys are probably promoters.

Me: There are like 20 of them! And they don’t look like promoters.

Wife: But why would anyone dress like that?

Me: Because they’re fans!

2) Just before the movie starts…

Wife: You know I can’t really tell which one is Star Trek and which one is Star Wars.

3) During the movie….

Me: *feels wife’s head tip and rest on my shoulder* Oi … oi…

Wife: *no response*

Me: *thinks to self* Great. We’re watching the most hyped movie of the year and she’s asleep.

4) A loud explosion wakes her up giving her another rude awakening…

Wife: What? Still not over ah this movie?

Me: It’ll be over soon ok ? It’ll be over soon.

5) During the most intense action scenes my wife was engaging me in deep conversation

Wife: I don’t get it.. why is this franchise so popular?

Me: Well when it was created in 1970s, it was a really cool idea and the special effects were cutting edge for the time. So good that even when I watched it in the 90s as a kid, it still looked good and I couldn’t tell it was almost 2 decades old a movie.

Wife: Yes but when you watched it in the 90s the movies there probably had just as good or better special effects right?

Me: Umm yeah…

Wife: Then why did you love it so much?

Me: I don’t know.  I’m trying to watch a movie here.

6) After the movie my wife asked me a series of questions about Star Wars.

Wife: Okay so there is the Light Side and the Dark side.

Me: Yes.

Wife: And the Jedis use Light Sabers to fight.

Me: Yes.

Wife: Shouldn’t the red light sabers that the Dark side uses then be called a Dark Saber?

Me: ….

Wife: *taps foot*

Me: I….

Wife: *still tapping foot*

Me: I think it’s just called a Light Saber because there’s a laser. So there’s like.. uhh.. light.

Wife: Couldn’t answer that one could you. You should’ve seen the stumped look on your face.

Wife: Ok so the Dark Side is always fighting the Light Side. Why ? What does the Dark Side want?

Me: Well they want to destroy the Light Side.

Wife: Why?

Me: I don’t know. So they can … rule the galaxy or something?

Wife: Wow that’s deep.

Me: Uhh yeah….

Wife: So why is the Dark Side evil?

Me: Because they’re just evil.

Wife: Nobody is born evil. People are evil not because they’re inherently evil but because of the things they do. These evil things they do are normally driven by a purpose or a reason or something they’re trying to achieves. So why is the Dark Side evil? What are they trying to achieve?

Me: Uh… so they can rule the galaxy?

Wife: Why can’t they rule the galaxy by being good?  Since Darth Vader was so powerful he could have ruled the galaxy by being good right? Why be evil?

Me: I don’t know.

Wife: And it doesn’t make sense that if Darth Vader is evil, how are his kids good? Who taught his kids to be good?

Me: Can we talk about something else?

Things Shorty & Fatty Say #334: Pimple

My sister Fayth was telling us about this big pimple on her face that she’s had for the longest time.

This pimple just won’t go away. I’ve tried everything and it doesn’t work!

Wow it looks like it’s there to stay.

Yeah it looks like it’s built a house.

More like a fortress. It’s built a fort around itself and has put itself in a very defensible position now.

I think it just applied for PR.

Maybe citizenship… it’s not going anywhere.

You guys are so annoying.

Things Shorty & Fatty Say #333: Would you rather…


We’re on the London Underground on the way back home.

Me: I don’t think I wanna go to Bicester Village tomorrow ah. It’s just another outlet shopping mall and I’m not into designer stuff anymore even if it’s discounted. So if we go there I’m probably going to end up just spending money that I wouldn’t normally spend.

Shorty: What else do we have to do anyway? Just go and see what they have there mah. New place.

Me: We’ve already been to so many outlet malls everywhere. They’re all the same.

Shorty: Fine fine. Then you think about what we’re going to do next.

10 minutes later

Shorty calls out to me

Shorty: Fats fats…. would you rather <insert disgusting thing here that I will not repeat> or <insert equally disgusting thing here>.

Me: I’m not going to answer that.

Shorty: Whyyyyyy? Come on come on.

Me: No… that’s disgusting. I don’t want to play this game.

Shorty: We already not going to Bicester Village already!

Me: What?! What’s that gotta do with anything?

Shorty: Come on laa!!!! Come on!!!!

Me: NO!

Shorty: Ask you to say only not ask you to do!!!

Me: I don’t even want to think about it!

Shorty: Come on come on…. *annoys me constantly for the next 1 minute*.

Me: FINE LA FINE LA. I’d rather <insert disgusting thing here>


Me: *sigh*… my wife.

PS: To see a list of Would you rather questions you can click here. This is just a small portion of the millions of them out there but you know eventually you get the hang of it and start making up your own. Like Shorty does.

Things Shorty & Fatty Say #332: Eating at Black

We’re in Sydney. Last night my Australian relatives brought us for dinner at this restaurant called Black. As we walked in:



Shorty: *looking at surroundings* Hmm… this restaurant doesn’t quite live up to its name.

Me: What’s wrong? Not black enough for you?

Shorty: Yes. I expected complete darkness. BLACK.

Me: Maybe they lit it up because it would be too dark to eat.

Shorty: I thought once you go black you never go back.


The steak arrives.

My Dad: I think the steak is too rare. We ordered medium.

My Aunty: Yeah too rare.

Me: Let me try. *tries*… no it’s okay what I think it’s medium.

My Dad: No it’s too rare. I’m gonna send it back.

Me: Okay.

5 minutes later the steak come back looking like charcoal pieces.

Me: This restaurant is totally living up to its name now.

My Dad: Oh no.. now it’s too overcooked.

Me: Yes Dad. Gordon Ramsay would throw a fit if he knew we just “well-doned” Wagyu steak.

My Dad: Who?

Me: Uhh I mean.. any famous chef would…

My Dad: I’m going to tell them.

Me: I don’t know what they can do about it this time Dad.

My Dad: Nevermind just want to tell them.

Me: *looks at Shorty* What do you think they’re gonna do?  Uncook the steak?

Shorty: Maybe they’ll just put it back into the fridge.


Things Shorty & Fatty Say #330 & #331: Reverse


Shorty runs upstairs panting

Shorty: FATS!! I need your help!

Me: What?

Shorty: I’m trying to reverse our van out so I can take Penny’s stroller out of the back but the car doesn’t move!

Me: How can it don’t move?

Shorty: I just have to press the brake and then press the start button to start the engine right?

Me: Yes.

Shorty: Then I release the hand brake which is the leg lever at the bottom right?

Me: Yes.

Shorty: But after I do that the car still doesn’t move!!!!

Me: Hmm… did you shift the gear into Reverse?

Shorty: …….

3 long seconds past…

Shorty: Oh… hehehe… ya thanks thanks. Ok ok let me go back and do that now.

Me: Seriously… when I tell this story, people are gonna think I make this shit up.


Packing for a trip

Shorty: FATS WHY IS OUR SAMSONITE BAG SO BATTERED! WHAT DID YOU DO WITH IT? You were the last one to use it!

Me: Huh no I wasn’t.

Shorty: Yes you brought it to Sydney with you.

Me: No I didn’t. I used my small bag for Sydney.

Shorty: Then how do you explain all your socks in this bag?

Me: *walks closer and looks at contents of bag* Really?


Me: *picks up camera charger that belongs to Shorty* So this Casio camera charger here…. this would really work well with my Casio camera… if I had one huh?

Shorty: Oh… hehehe… hehee.. *grabs camera charger from me*

Things Shorty & Fatty Say #340 & #341: Big Ticket Items


Me: I must say I’ve been really prudent this year. I haven’t bought any big ticket items at all. Quite proud of me.

Shorty: *cough*

Me: What?

Shorty: How about your bicycle?


Me: What! That’s for exercise ma.

Shorty: Exercise what! If you want to exercise only you can buy one of those cheap bicycles with a basket in front for going to the market and a bell that goes *ding ding*.


Me: Hey remember this f*ck, kill and marry game where you choose which one you would for these 3 characters?  Check out this Buzzfeed article about who you should f*ck, kill and marry.

Shorty: Ok. *goes through list*

Me: Okay how about this one. Harry Potter, Christian Grey from 50 Shares of Grey and Edward Cullen from Twilight.

Shorty: Kill Edward Cullen. Definitely. (Shorty hates Twilight).

Me: Ok no surprise there. What else?

Shorty: Marry Harry Potter and f*ck Christian Grey. Can’t marry Christian Grey. I don’t want SM for the rest of my life.

Things Shorty & Fatty Say #338 & #339: Shorty throws up

Okay since I’ve been getting some requests for this here are some Things Shorty & Fatty Say.


Shorty and I were settling down for the night and watch some TV. Before though she took some tablets. Shorty has a phobia for swallowing tablets and for some reason this time she suddenly threw up all over the room. On the walls and the doors.


Shorty: I threw up.

Me: It’s everywhere! What happened?

Shorty: Well I was taking this pill and then I didn’t realize once it hit by tongue it would dissolve and it had this really awful taste so I choked. Then I tried to control my vomit and…

Me: *looks at vomit all over the walls and floor* You tried to control it? Really?

Shorty: Listen la! So I tried but I couldn’t do it.

Me: It’s okay it’s okay we’ll clean it up.

Shorty: Eww it smells so badd!!!

Me: You don’t say? I was just thinking that vomit smells just like flowers and daffodils.



Shorty and me were eating banana leaf rice for dinner. Halfway through she suddenly goes:

Shorty: Uh oh.. I need to go to the toilet.

Me: Oh.. go go!

Shorty: Is there a toilet back there?

Me: Yeah.

Shorty: Is it clean?

Me: Umm.. I don’t know.

Shorty: Ok I go now.

*5 minutes later she comes back*

Me: WOW THAT WAS FAST! I expected longer.

Shorty: Yah was fast cuz it was coming out already. Like a turtle head.

Me: *puts down fork and spoon*… You know what… I don’t feel like eating anymore.


Bonus: There is a bonus Things Shorty & Fatty Say that I wrote on my Dayre a couple of days ago if you haven’t seen it.