HOLY COW!!!

I just had one of the busiest Saturdays I have ever had.

In the morning I had to go to PWTC to give a speech for our first National Entrepreneurs’ Convention.
In the afternoon there was Traffic Jam (Nuffnang Community Event) immediately after the National Entrepreneurs’ Convention.

Then right after that I had to go make it for one of my friend’s wedding dinner.

I am so tired and exhausted now after a long day but NO MATTER… BOSS STEWIE AIN’T NO PUSSY!!!

BLOGGING UNDER LACK OF SLEEP IS MY SPECIALTY so I am going to blog about my day now!

I shall first start by telling you bout my morning.

This morning I arrived at PWTC ….. ZZZzzzzzzzzzzz……….ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz…………

ZZzzzzzzzzzz………

This morning I was at Angkasapuri for a TV interview on the RTM 2 program Hello on Two hosted by Zamil and Annie.

I was pretty nervous being on National TV for the first time but after 5 minutes I kinda got used to it and well… I didn’t say “nipples”… YAY!!!

Unfortunately I didn’t take any pictures in the studio… didn’t know if I was allowed to and I don’t have a video of the session yet but it looked something like this.
I’ll probably try to get one next week and post it up here okay?

Anyway, both my parents were watching the show and after the show I spoke to each one of them.

My Dad… had nice things to say… he said he was proud.

Now my Dad has always been the kind of man who believed that his sons should ALWAYS do better than him

He always used to preach: “Whenever you come up with a new version.. it must be better than the old right?”

Unfortunately the “old version” set too high a standard that I’m not even 5% of the way there to being even on par with him.

So you can imagine how nice it was to hear from my father that he was proud… (well not as proud as when I made it to the Top 25 Young Entrepreneurs in Asia on Businessweek but still proud).
Then it came to my mum’s turn to talk to me on the phone.

She said
“Son… everything went okay.. but I just have one thing I really just have to point out”.

Thoughts were racing through my mind… uh oh uh oh… did I say NIPPLES without realizing it?

Or did I do something even more embarrassing like scratch my crotch or dig my nose while on National TV without realizing it?

My mum went on to say
“Son… you better do some exercise.. you really are getting really FAT!!!“

I blurted out in my defence
“WHAT?!?! MUM!!! I’M NOT FAT.. I’M JUST BIG BONED!!!”

Fat would be like Hasan!!!

Right? (Hahahah Hasan)

My mum refused to give it to me.

She said
“No Son.. you’re getting VERY FAT… you’re not there yet but soon you will be if you don’t do something about it. Please go do some exercise… do you want to be a fit entrepreneur or a fat one”.

My lips almost automatically defended myself
“BUT BUT… I PLAY BADMINTON!!!”
She said
“Badminton isn’t enough.. you need to swim.. or go to the gym and burn off all that fat…”.

AUUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Somebody!!!

Please… PLEASE TELL MY MUM…. that.. that

I’M NOT FAT!!! I’M JUST BIG-BONED!!!!

And and…. that the camera adds 10 pounds!!!

I’m going to be on a LIVE talk show on National TV tomorrow to speak about being an entrepreneur and all.

Oooh ooh I’ve never been on TV before let alone National TV. So nervous… which is why I’m NOT going to say what time, what programme and/or which channel ok?

I mean… how can I go through with that knowing that people I know or who know me are watching in. What if I say something wrong… like if I suddenly say “Nipples” or something.

Oh well wish me luck everyone!

Many tourists look at Penang as a teeny little tropical island north of Peninsular Malaysia.
An island where people sip ice-tea and lie on the beaches.
You know what’s wrong with islands like this?

It gets mistaken as the kind of island where if there ever were a war, its native Penangites will defend the island with coconuts and fruit drinks.

Well HMPH!

That’s why to make sure that Hasan didn’t get the wrong idea about Penang,

I brought him to Fort Cornwallis while he was here in Penang.YES… PENANG HAS A FORT!!!

But NOBODY PAYS ENOUGH ATTENTION TO IT!!!

WHY?!?!?

Because everyone is too busy with Kota A Famosa in Malacca.
Ohhh ohhh!!!

Kota A Famosa this … Kota A Famosa that…

Does anyone not consider the feelings of the old Penang Fort up north?!?!?!

All it wanted was a little bit of attention!

But nooo…. Kota A Famosa gets all the fame and tourists all flock there to see one wall.

That’s right… ONE WALL…

Whereas Fort Cornwallis up in Penang has a BIG STATUE of Francis Light!

Guns and Hats for us to wear!

Lots and lots of prison to lock up bad people!

And four walls.

That’s right… NOT ONE… NOT TWO… NOT THREE… FOUR #*&*ING WALLS!!!!

And CANNONS too.

Not just ONE or two cannons.

A MILLION OF THEM… ENOUGH TO SHOOT DOWN THAT NAVY SHIP AT SEA!!!
So why does nobody care about Fort Cornwallis?

Is it because it has MORE than ONE WALL???

NO!

Is it because the Fort has NEVER seen battle before ever in its history?

NO!

IT’S BECAUSE OF THE DAMN CHAR KWAY TEOW!When tourists come to Penang… what do they come for?

They come BLINDED BY THE FOOD and NOTHING ELSE!!!

All that FOOD OVERSHADOWS our history and the existence of our FORT CORNWALLIS!!!

Shame on you Penangites for making such good Char Kway Teow.
One day… ONE DAY if our shores are invaded by an army of imaginary armoured monkeys shall you learn to appreciate our dear Fort Cornwallis.

If that day ever comes… I jom this cannon ok?I like this cannon. Can roll wan.

The rest of you can go fight for the other cannons.

I’m taking this one.

I was gonna write about a BIG ASS Plasma TV that I saw in KLCC. I had it all typed out and saved in the draft but I found out Nicole beat me to it two days ago!!! ARGH!!!! NICOLE!!!!!

Anyway…

Kenny was down in KL this weekend.

I had to meet up with him to pass him something so we decided to have Sunday lunch at our favourite Pan Mee place.
Since Kenny was around, I decided to call perhaps a couple more bloggers.

Somehow those few more bloggers called some other bloggers and we ended up with a small meet with some of Malaysia’s Top Bloggers and Nuffnang staff.

I guess one of the benefits of working at Nuffnang is at some point or another, you’ll probably meet some of the famous bloggers in Malaysia or Singapore.

Almost as good or even better than the famous one at Kin Kin.

So all of us decided to meet up there.

There was…
Seated on my left there was (from left) KY, Nicholas, Suanie and Cheeserland.

Seated on my right was (from left) Skyler, Pink Pau and Samantha.It’s nice to have Samantha around because for all of you who may or may not know… Samantha is the one who approves all the cheques for HSBC to send out each month.

Nuffnang sends out over a hundred cheques each month in Malaysia alone (not counting Singapore), and Samantha is in charge of making sure everyone gets their cheques at the right time.

And seated in front of me is… Mr Kenny Sia.

Now some might wonder what these top bloggers talk about when they meet up for lunch.

Well.. a little bit about Nuffnang, a little bit about the Innit Community… a little bit about work… but mostly casual fun things most normal people talk about.
Of course… we also make sure we have some content to blog about after our lunch so I asked everyone to make a face so I could all take their pictures and put it up on my blog.

So here’s Pink Pau’s.
Nicholas’s

Skyler’sKenny’s

Samantha’s
Cheeserland’s.

And Suanie!
Oh and lets not forget KY.

Speaking of KY.

He told us the most disgusting riddle of the day.
The riddle goes
“Knife can cut meat… what can meat cut”.

The first reaction was from Skyler who said
“Is this something pervertic?”

And Ky said
“No lah… it’s something really normal”.

Naturally we all couldn’t figure out what the answer was so finally Ky said
“Meat can cut Shit”.

All of us gave a very blur look… similar to the look Samantha gives when she’s confused.So Ky went on to explain
“Well when you’re on the toilet shitting.. at some point your butt would have to cut off the shit right? Like it or not.. you do it every day!”

Everyone went
“EWWWWWWWWwwwwwww!!!!!”

Except for me who went
“HAHAHAHAHAHAAHHhahahaha… wait… wait… I mean… EWWWWW!!!!!”

At least ONCE in his lifetime, every man… will have to experience shopping with a girl.

Many people somehow think that my life is really interesting, that I go through a lot of very fun things and adventures for the nature of what I do for a living.

The truth is… yes… there are a lot of things that happen to me and it’s a rather fun life.. but the sad part is… much of it are things that I can’t blog about.

*SNIFF*

So there are times like tonight when I actually run out of things to write…

It sucks to be a guy blogger doesn’t it?

I mean… it really REALLY sucks…

Why?

Well if I were a girl blogger… and I run out of things to do.

All I would have to do is whip out my camera….

and snap pictures of myself

over and over again.

And just post them up.again
and again.“PICTURES ALL STOLEN FROM SUET LI’S BLOG WITHOUT HER PERMISSION BWAHAHAHA”

And my readers would LOVE it … why?

Because I’m all hot and sexy and they love it when I camwhore… almost as much as they love it when I spend time to write my intelligent entries.

It reminds me of the time Kenny Sia pimped me.

It’s almost every blogger’s wet dream to be pimped by Kenny Sia… I mean why not… the minute Kenny touches you on his blog, your traffic will shoot up by the thousands in a day.

One day, Nicole messaged me on MSN
“Your traffic must be through the roof right now”.

I replied
“Huh? REALLY? Why?”

She couldn’t wait to break the truth to me.
“Kenny pimped you.“

So excited like a little Japanese school girl I called up my blog stats and looked at the referrals I had. I was imagining my stats to show a chart that spiked up like that.

I was so excited!!!

I mean there I was about to see for the first time ever… my traffic go through the roof.

Once I pulled up the stats, I took a good look and I couldn’t believe my eyes.

So I put on my glasses and peered really really close to the screen.. wondering if I got the number right.And the number WAS right.

Of the tens of thousands of people that read Kenny’s blog each day… do you know how many of them clicked on my link there to visit my blog?

ELEVEN

Yes… eleven. Not Eleven hundred… not Eleven Thousand… not Eleven hundred thousand.

ELEVEN

I couldn’t believe it!!! Why? What was it about my name that nobody wanted to click on?

Until someone brought this up.
“Tim… in Kenny’s blog you’re listed along with Nicole, Pink Pau and IcyQueenGoddess… with 3 other girls… do you think ANYBODY WILL CLICK ON TIMOTHY?!.”And it made sense.

So the next thing I know, word got around and Kenny heard about this joke so being the guy with a sense of humour, the next time Kenny posted me on his blog he had the caption with a picture of us saying
“Me and sexyshortskirt”, linking my blog to sexyshortskirt.

You know maybe if some guys think that sexyshortskirt is a nick used by a female blogger they might click on it right?
Well… IT WORKED!!!

I MEAN…

IT REALLY REALLY WORKED!!!

The number of referrals from Kenny’s blog had a more than 50% increase from the day before… from 11 to…..

*drum roll please*

EIGHTEEN!!!

*Sigh*

It does suck to be a guy blogger doesn’t it? (Unless of course you have a great sense of humour like Kenny)

Anyone else feel my pain?
PS: Kenny…I never really got to thanking you for pimping me twice a few months back… so thank you Kenny. There… I pimp you back now… (Ishh…. not like you’ll feel it).

I love Japanese buffets!

I do… I really really really really really do.

And I’m sure so does everyone else.

My favourite place for Japanese Buffet has to be Kampachi.

I mean… there are tons of Japanese Buffets around… most with the largest variety ever but few with as much quality as Kampachi.

The only problem with Japanese buffets of course is…. they’re expensive… so when you go. You gotta get your moneys worth.

So here’s what you have to do to make your money’s worth.

Step 1: Don’t starve yourself but eat just a little.

The morning of the buffet, wake up early and have a light breakfast. Don’t NOT eat anymore like most people would say… because doing that builds up gas in your stomach which lowers your capacity to eat more at the buffet.

So eat like a small bowl of cereals or something and drink some Yakult.Now Step 2 onwards is the tricky part.

At Japanese buffets, the only thing that you’re fighting against is not stomach capacity (if you’re prepared) but TIME.

They’re always like 12pm – 2.30pm or something. So you have to make sure within these 2 and a half hours, you gotta eat enough food to feed Sudan for a year to make your money really worth.

Step 2: Pee before you eat!

When you get to the restaurant, make sure you use the toilet first.

When you eat, you’re gonna be consuming liquid, when you consume liquid, you’re going to want to pee, when you want to pee you’re going to want to go to the toilet and when you go to the toilet…. YOU WASTE TIME!!!
So go to the little boys’ room and do your business first.

Step 3: Sit at the right place

Once you get into the restaurant, ALWAYS request for the table closest to the Buffet tables. The further away it is, the more time you have to spend back and forth getting food and the more time you WASTE!!!

Step 4: Eat the right things

Now when you go to a buffet, what should you eat?
They always have things like rice or noodles to help you fill up your stomach… is that what you should take?NO!!!

IF YOU WANNA EAT RICE, GO EAT HAWKER FOOD!!!

At Japanese buffet, the first thing you go for is SASHIMI!!!LOTS AND LOTS OF SASHIMI!!!

Then once you’re bored of the Sashimi, I’ll excuse you if you go for the beef.

But make sure it’s not just beef in those buffet trays with a candle underneath.

Make sure they’re FRESHLY COOKED BEEF AT THEIR TEPPANYAKI AREA.And make sure it’s not Sirloin or some lousy crappy beef.

It has to be U.S.A. IMPORTED BEEF… and TENDERLOIN OR FILLET… anything below that is a waste of stomach space and time.

Step 5: Oysters are expensive too

Remember the Mr Bean episode where he whacked all the oysters at a buffet he went for and he got a stomach ache for that?

Well that episode was probably sponsored by buffet restaurants that want to discourage people from finishing off their oysters faster than they can refill them.

In real life… that don’t happen much SO WHACK IT ALL!!!

TAKE NO SURVIVORS!!!

Step 6: SHUT UP!

Your mouth can only do one of two things.

Eat… or talk…

So when you’re at a buffet.. don’t waste time talking.. your friends are just there with you to decorate the table… EAT!!!! IF YOU WANNA TALK GO TO A MAMAK !!!

Step 7: IGNORE THE CLOWN

As part of their conspiracy to slow you down and distract you from your buffet crusade… some restaurants bring in clowns to make little balloon poodles to distract you.
What do you do?

YOU IGNORE THE DAMN CLOWN and focus on your food!!!

The only time you should be talking to a clown is when you’re asking the clown to help you get more Sashimi understood?!?!

Step 8: Eat the right dessert

Sooner or later it’ll be time for dessert.

So what do you have for dessert?

Do you have the tempting ice-cream they have there?
NO!!!

IF YOU WANNA EAT ICE CREAM… GO BUY A TUB OF WALLS FOR 10 BUCKS AT TESCO!!!

At the buffet, you eat….

DO RAE YAKI!!!
Also known as DORAEMON BISCUITS!!!!

WHY??

Because they’re made fresh on the fly.

And because we all love Doraemon…. don’t we?
PS: Dear Kampachi, if you’re reading this… please don’t ban me for life….. please please please… I’ll promise not to sweep clean the Sashimi table next time.

I have a confession to make.

I am addict.

I don’t know why I started.

It started with just one try.

One of my friends pushed me into trying it, saying that it’s just once… nothing wrong with that and just one time won’t get you addicted.I believed him and I decided to try that one time.

I never went back then.

I remember when it first went into my body. I first felt a tingling sensation…. and then a deep sigh of relaxation.

It felt good… it felt so good.

I tried to stay away from it the next day, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

I thought to myself
“Hey… what harm could ONE more do?”

And so I took it again for the second time… which then led to the third… fourth… and before I know it, today I can’t do without it.

Every day without fail, I had to have at least one shot.

Some days, I have 4-5 of them in a row. I know its never good to have so many.

But my day just isn’t right without it.I hide a stockpile of it in my fridge…. but I know that someday someone will open my fridge looking for food.

But instead find… an entire stockpile of YAKULT.I can’t help it.

Yakult now has me by the balls.

A few of my friends tried to talk me out of my addiction.

Sam: You know you’re not supposed to take so many of those each day.
Me: But it’s a healthy drink!

Sam: Yes but you’re supposed to have ONE a day. You’re not supposed to use it as a replacement for water.

Me: But… but… I’m going to be away for a week after tomorrow. I’m not going to be able to have it for a whole week so I’m just having more now to make up for the rest of the week.

Teoh: Uhmm.. unfortunately.. that’s not how your body works.

Me: What do you mean that’s not how my body works??? Eventually at the end of 7 days, I am going to have 7 Yakult’s in my blood. What difference does it make if I have it now or later?

Teoh: In that case, then you might as well shower 14 times today so you won’t have to shower for the rest of the week. (Or pee 50 times today so you won’t have to pee for a whole week).

Me: … … …

For some of you who may remember, I was in Phuket a few weeks ago.

Phuket is like the place of outdoor entertainment in Asia.

I mean there are just so many things to do.

Everything from just lying in the beach
to riding on elephants,to shooting.

Yes.

It’s true.

Me like many other men are fascinated my guns.

So while in Phuket I made it straight for the shooting range to shoot a gun for the first time in my life.

There were so many guns to pick from.

Everything from pistols (like a million different kinds of them) to rifles to shotguns… everything short of bazookas and machine guns of course but how happy can a man get.
So I put on my head phones to prevent myself from going deaf when I take my shots, and I picked out a gun.
I picked a 9mm gun that cost me 890 Baht for 10 bullets.

That’s like RM89 for 10 shots.

Now every man can’t help but wonder what part he’ll play if he’s ever in a war, and whether he’ll be any good at all or not.

So at the shooting range I found out.

I picked up my gun and shot at a target 15 yards away.

Now the Singaporean dudes that go for NS probably go
“*Yawn*… I used to shoot guns in my sleep Timmy”.

But for someone who has never shot a gun before in his 23 years of life… that was one cool experience.
You know the theory that people have right… that people who play a lot of CS are good at shooting in CS but are lousy shots when you put an actual gun in their hands.

Well I played a lot of CS but I must say, I am a pretty good shot.

Of all the people that I went with there, I had the highest score of 74%.

Even my instructor was impressed… it being my first time.

The others who went with me got…

or

Gloat gloat…. bwahahaha!!!

I was feeling good about myself for being such a good shot (of course “good” is relative… and I was good only RELATIVE to the people I was shooting with).

After taking a few shots I sat down and admired an empty shell that I shot out of my gun.

It looked so cool for a while I was thinking of bringing it back home with me as a souvenir… at least until I remembered that even bringing home an empty shell to Malaysia would have you sentenced to death if you were caught.So I sat down to watch the other people around shoot… which was about when I saw it.

There were rifles for us to shoot at th shooting range but I didn’t want to use them because I thought… well start with the small guns first right?

Well there I was sitting down and watching this 9 year old shoot a gun so big that he can barely hold it in his hands.
I was wondering to myself.. wtf wtf wtf… until I saw my 11 year old cousin shooting a rifle taller than him.

And you know what.. the little kid got 77% and was GLEAMING AWAY.

He came up to me smiling after his shooting and said
“What you got? What you got? I got 77%!!! HEHEHE!!”

I mumbled a reply
“I got *ahem* four”.

So there you have it… an 11 year old kid shoots better than grown adults.

I pretended to ignore him but he kept asking me what I got… wanting me to admit that I lost to him (which I did).

I was thinking of a way out… I glanced at the tens of guns on the table near me… you know… put a bullet in my head and end my misery.But soon enough I shook myself back to reality.

Ish what was I thinking.

Anyway, I managed to take a video of me shooting the gun close up.

Check it out here.