#257
While in the hospital, a few days after Fighter was born.
Shorty: I feel like a cow.
Me: Why?
Shorty: All I do now is sit around and pump milk for Fighter. And then they feed me. Then I sleep, then I pump milk again.
Me: Well you’re doing a great job. Look at all the milk you’re pumping.
Shorty: *looks at milk volume* WOW… a lot huh…
Me: Wahh…. top performer now huh this Dutch Lady. I mean Dutch Shorty.
#258
Shorty: You know I noticed that Fighter doesn’t have double eyelids. I thought that was weird because both of us have double eyelids, so why wouldn’t Fighter have.
Me: Uh huh…
Shorty: Then I was talking to your sister, and she was saying that your double eyelids are not natural. That when you went for your eye surgery when you were a kid, the Doctor just did something additional for you and gave you double eyelids. Is that true?
Me: Uhh….. hmm…
Shorty: well?
Me: Well… uh huh.
Shorty: “uh huh” means what? Means YES?
Me: Yeah.
Shorty: OHHHH…. misrepresentation huh this Fatty. I should sue. I always thought your double eyelids were natural! Never tell me that they were the result of surgery huh?
Me: Uhh I didn’t think it would matter. You didn’t marry me for my eyelids did you?
Shorty: So…. this Fatty had “some work done” on himself huh. Even I haven’t had any work done yet.
Me: Hey I was 3 years old.
#259
Shorty is reading a book about Disney secrets.
Me: So how’s the book going?
Shorty: It’s ok I guess. It was more interesting earlier because it covered some secrets about the movies we know about. But now they’re talking about Disney movies nobody has heard about.
Me: Disney movies that nobody has heard about? IMPOSSIBLE!
Shorty: Really! You don’t believe me? I’ll show you.
Me: *waits while Shorty flips open her book*
Shorty: Okay… Lieutenant Robin Crusoe.
Me: Oh yeah I know that one.
Shorty: Toby Tyler.
Me: Yep know that one too *lies*
Shorty: Don’t bluff. Fine… tell me what it’s about!
Me: Uhh… it’s about a boy.
Shorty: Then?
Me: A boy who grew up in a farm.
Shorty: *flips book with bewildered eyes* WOW you’re right. He does grow up in a farm. But he leaves to join the circus.
Me: I know that.
Shorty: Sure you do.
Me: And he talks to animals.
Shorty: No he doesn’t.
Me: Yes he does.
Shorty: He has a pet chimpanzee but no he does not talk to animals.
Me: Ahh dammit… should’ve guessed that there would be a monkey in there somewhere.
Shorty: But you got the farm part right. How did you guess the farm part?
Me: Guess?
Shorty: Yes GUESS.
Me: I KNEW. I watched it before.
Shorty: Shit you lah! Say properly.
Timothy Tiah – Co-Founder of Colony, Kuala Lumpur Co-Working Space