Every June my EO forum of 7 members get together and have an important meeting that charts our next 12 months as a forum. Our forum is a place where 7 entrepreneurs get together every month to share their personal, work and family ups and downs, and presentations of any issues that we may have. One of the things on the agenda is to list what my personal goals are in the next 12 months. What I wanted to achieve.
In previous years, my goals have been very business focused. I want the business to grow this much, or to make this much money. This year though I realise that those priorities have changed. Yes… business is important but this year… my main goal is to be a better husband to my wife, and a better father to my kids. Now I’m cautious about this of course, it’s not that I’m taking for granted that Colony is doing well that I don’t have to make Colony my primary goal in life this year. It’s more that I’ve come to a self-realisation last year that there’s a lot of room for me to improve on when it comes to being a husband or father.
How? Well I’ve quite recently managed to change my mindset when it comes to doing things for my wife. I sometimes used to find it a chore to fetch her somewhere, or run errands for her. I’d still do it.. but sometimes I might grumble. Then just recently I started thinking about this. I love my wife right? Then why is it.. if i love my wife, and I want her to be happy, would I grumble about doing little or big things for her? So I’ve stopped doing that.. and I’m gonna make sure this continues.
I’ve also learned to listen to her more, to anticipate her needs and help her especially when it comes to the kids. I used to sometimes be blind to her having her hands full with the kids. Now I pay attention and when I see her struggle I automatically chip in to help.
When it comes to the kids, I look to spend more time with them. Not just playing with them or taking them out but sometimes doing things for them. Shorty used to be the one to take Fighter to the toilet every time we were out and he needed to go but now that’s because my thing with him. Every time he needed to go he would turn to me and ask.. and I would bring him. In the cubicle where he sits to pee or poo, we would often have our own little conversations.
That’s when I learned that we don’t bond with our kids from just playing with them or just with the good times. We bond with them by doing things for them. I don’t know if they know how to “appreciate” these things yet… but I do know that they get closer to me when they feel that can depend on me more on even the small every day things.
I’ve always wanted at least one more kid in my life. A family of five at least would mean we could all fit in one car and go out to the mall on weekends. I grew up in a family of six and I had great memories the four of us kids crowded at the back of the car while my parents took us to Komtar on Sunday to eat Taiwanese beef noodle.
That may not be an option for me in this life though because of Shorty’s pregnancy complications. Shorty’s pretty settled with two. I’m grateful that I’ve already got two… and now I just want to be a better father to these two.
I don’t know what my goals will be this time next year. But I hope by then I would feel that I’ve achieved this year’s goals of being a better husband and father.
Timothy Tiah – Co-Founder of Colony, Kuala Lumpur Co-Working Space